How To Gauge Your Sexual Temperature

Amy Jo Goddard knows how to empower us! She is an amazing sexual empowerment coach and sexual educator and we absolutely love learning from her.

Amy has written on role play, scheduling sex and continuing sex education. But today, it's all about your sexual temperature. What is that you ask? Well, just like a thermometer measures a fever, Amy is here with ways to help you gauge your sexual needs. 

* * *

Sometimes you get so stuck sexually and you are so used to feeling stuck, you have no way to gauge how or why. I see this a lot with new sex coaching clients and prospects. If a woman has gotten far enough in her process to call me, she at least has some sense that her sexuality needs attention. Sometimes that’s as much as she knows. Figuring out the way into it or how to break it down feels hard and the whole of her sexual issues becomes a series of symptoms with vague ideas of the root causes.

I recently spoke to a woman who described her sexuality as a ball with no handles that just rolls and rolls and she doesn’t know where or how to get a grip on it. I think many people feel this way about sexuality because it’s so big and so many potential issues come up that they do not know where to begin. You can start by taking your own sexual temperature, so to speak. Look at the various key aspects of your sexuality and if you could literally take your temperature, how would the mercury rise and fall?

Your Sexual Temperature Key

Cold

Totally shut down, not happening, needs life-support now!

Lukewarm

On life-support, barely keeping its pulse but trying to survive.

Warm

Things are moving a bit, maybe slowly, maybe not all in the best direction, but there is motion and a will to be in a more healthy place. Throw me a blanket.

Sexual homeostasis

Functioning optimally, this part feels healthy and balanced, in a place of “normalcy”. Right on target.

Overheated

Overall, functioning well and with a lot of energy, but energy is a bit out-of-balance.

Fever

Manic functioning or over-indulgence in this area. Need to reconnect to self and rebalance. Way off your center. Sometimes sexual fever is fun but that’s not what I’m talking about here!

Temperature check 

What are areas of your sexuality where you could apply this? There are many aspects of your sexuality that you want to check in with regularly. For starters, do a temperature check on these seven:

#1 Your sexual body and how you are feeling in your body
#2 Your level of pleasure and joy , both emotional and physical
#3 Your desire and attraction, both the quality and level
#4 Your radiance and excitement-Are you glowing daily?
#5 Your intimate relationships, with self and/or with partners and lovers
#6 Your energy level, overall and sexually
#7 Your sexual and creative expression


Your Sexual Empowerment Assignment

Take a moment with each area and stick in the thermometer and read it honestly. If your temperature is below normal in any of these areas, think about 3 things you could do to breathe life back into this part, starting today.

If you are sexually homeostatic, what are 3 things you love and appreciate about the healthy temperature of this part? And if you are overheated or feverish, what 3 things could you do to recalibrate and re-balance to a place of sexual homeostasis and optimal functioning? Take your sexual temperature regularly and prevent your sexuality from falling to a place of being ignored, neglected, or into total disrepair.

Lovingly cross-posted with permission from Amy's blog here.

Amy Jo Goddard is a sexual empowerment coach, author, and sexuality educator who blogs regularly at www.amyjogoddard.com. She is founder of SPECTRA, a mentorship program to help sexuality professionals make more money doing the sexuality work they are passionate about.

As a David Neagle Certified Miracle of Money coach, Amy Jo helps women and couples create financial abundance, sexual pleasure and create the relationships and lives they desire. She teaches her Women’s Sexually Empowered Life Program in New York City and travels the US teaching courses and speaking at sexuality events. Visit www.amyjogoddard.com to get your free copy of her "Bringing Sexy Back: How to Revitalize a Dwindling Sex Life" audio class! Follow her on @amyjogoddard on Twitter.

Read more »

Say No to Excuses & Have Your Best Sex

Whether you want to have your best sex life or go after your dream career, you must first identify what's stopping you. What excuses are you using that slow you down from moving forward? Let go of the excuses and get proactive about making your life happen. Amy Jo Goddard is back with more inspiration for letting those excuses go and having an amazing sexual relationship sooner than you think!

* * *

Stop with the excuses 

How many times do you put off your own growth, self-development work, fun, pleasure or education because of some made-up reason that really just slows you down and keeps you from having what you want, for no good reason?

With sexuality, many people have a chronic problem with putting it on hold because, well, “I’d work on it if only I had the time,”. Alternatively, “I’d be able to get my needs met, if only I had the right lover." Maybe it goes something like this, “I’d indulge in something I want (a new toy, a weekend workshop, a pamper day) if only I had the money.” Or, “I’d have more fun sexually if only I were younger/prettier/didn’t have kids,” etc.

You disempower yourself and you prevent yourself from having what you really want with your “if onlys”. “If only,” is a clue you are making an excuse. How often do you find yourself thinking or saying, “I’d do it, if only...”? I want to suggest that you get that little phrase out of your vocabulary.

You might be thinking, well, I can do that for some things but not for others. I hear people make lots of excuses about why they don’t work on their sexuality and sexual relationships. They call me and claim they want to work on themselves, and then come the litany of reasons why they just can’t. At that point, I suggest they think about it and when they’re ready to make the commitment, contact me again.

I’m most interested in and satisfied by working with people who are committed to living more sexually fulfilled lives. People who want deeper levels of intimacy and more aligned, satisfying relationships. You want to know why I work with these people? Because when you’re committed to something, really committed, you drop the excuses and you do whatever it takes. That’s what makes it a commitment. And that makes what I do far more satisfying, than someone with one foot in and one foot out. If you find yourself going back and forth in your mind about something and lots of excuses keep coming up, you might be interested and in a place of contemplating it, but you have not yet made a decision to do it and there is no commitment.

Sometimes people even do relationships that way, even the ones they call “committed”. They have made a false commitment to someone because they are still waffling with excuses and “if only's” about the relationship.

Pay attention.  If you hear yourself saying things like: “Well, he’s a great guy. The relationship would be awesome if only he were a better lover, or if only he wanted kids…” or “Our sex life is good but not great. I get other things from her, so maybe this just isn’t the thing we will have”, or “We have good sex, but I want more emotional depth. If only he could provide that, I’d be totally fulfilled.” Many people settle in relationships, and then feel bad for settling. So to compensate for that and convince themselves they made a sound choice, they make excuses for their mate, or for why they are with them.

Does this sound familiar? I’ve certainly done it. So begin to notice where you are making excuses, holding back your own true desires with “if only's”. What can you begin to let go of and cut out? How much happier would you be if you let it go, and stopped making excuses for why you don’t do or can’t have something? It’s not bad to want something bigger for your sexuality. You are meant to expand sexually. If you are constricting rather than expanding, look at the reasons why and make a commitment to change them. The way to change your life is to take decisive action, commit and move.

What can you take action on right now in order to create movement in your life? What “if only's” will you let go of this week?

Cross posted with permission can be found here.

Amy Jo Goddard is a sexual empowerment coach, author, and sexuality educator who blogs regularly at www.amyjogoddard.com. She is founder of SPECTRA, a mentorship program to help sexuality professionals make more money doing the sexuality work they are passionate about.

As a David Neagle Certified Miracle of Money coach, Amy Jo helps women and couples create financial abundance, sexual pleasure and create the relationships and lives they desire. She teaches her Women’s Sexually Empowered Life Program in New York City and travels the US teaching courses and speaking at sexuality events. Visit her website to get your free copy of her "Bringing Sexy Back: How to Revitalize a Dwindling Sex Life" audio class! Follow her on @amyjogoddard on Twitter.

Read more »