Here at GetLusty for Couples, we get a monumental amount of questions about every aspect of sexuality. Today, we'll cover some of the most general questions. GetLusty sex geek Jason Estrada answers the 5 most commonly asked questions about sex. Do you have specific questions about sex? Do e-mail us at reply@getlusty.com and we'll get them answered!
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#1 Am I normal?
The human race seems to be a very apprehensive species. Our insecurities are at their peak when it comes to sex. Men want to know if their penises are normal. Women need to know that their vulva isn't "abnormal". We all want to know that we're doing it right. Hopefully, most of our GetLusty community accepts their sexuality, but some might feel like a weirdo for their fetishes. Many couples hide their true sexuality from their partner, and therefore, suffer a less fulfilling relationship. As long as it "embraces open sexuality with few limits beyond an emphasis on safe sex and the importance of informed consent." The quote was taken from Wikipedia's definition of "sex-positive". As long as you are a sex-positive couple, you are normal. For more on the "I am normal?" question check out our article from Eric Amaranth.
#2 How often do most people have sex?
There's a lot of anxiety in couples about how often they should be having sex. When a friend brags about having sex 12 times a week, we freak out. There's nothing to worry about folks. For one, that friend is probably lying, or they just had a week-long fluke. Most research reveals that most married couples in America have sex about twice a week. For newly weds, the number is usually higher, but over time that number does decrease. Want to more sex? Amy Jo Goddard says scheduling sex is the best way to have more of it (which we agree).
#3 How do I tell my partner what I need in bed?
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First step is starting to talk a little more. Talk in a neutral place like a cafe or bar. Don't be accusatory. Just be honest and clear about what you want. Try something like, "Baby, our sex is great, and I love it. I want it to be the best that it can be. That's why I wanna try this new position," or "I'd like to spice it up with a little something different." How you frame your request is important.You wouldn't tell your partner that they give horrible blowjobs. If your partner isn't doing enough of something, trick 'em into doing it more. "Babe, last night was so hot. I was so turned on when you took your time with me and teased me before fucking me." See that? Turn the request into a compliment. GetLusty for Couples has a few articles on specific sexual requests. For example, Portia Blush told us how to ask for what you really want in bed, or Moushumi Ghose's article talked about how to tell your partner you want slower sex for example.
#4 Where did my sex drive go?
It's true, sometimes men don't always want sex. There are a plethora of reasons for a lack of libido. As you get older your body goes through hormonal changes. Men's testosterone levels decrease. Women start experiencing changes due to menopause. Aging has a definite affect on your sex drive, but changing hormone levels can happen at any age. GetLusty's Jason Estrada hypothesized too much (male-centric) porn could be killing men's erections.
Other reasons might be stress at home or work, medications, poor physical fitness, and lack of sleep. Take a step back and see if any of these things could be the cause. If your concerns are not satisfied, see a doctor and get those hormones tested. For more on this, check out 4 steps to gaining your sexual function back or make sex explosive naturally.
Telling your partner is easy. You obviously might feel some anxiety about sharing something you feel ashamed of or embarrassed by, but your partner should be open and loving, so I'm sure he or she will be supportive. If your partner is none of those things, you have bigger problems than this particular set of questions.
Before spilling your most erotic fantasies, maybe set the ground rules: no laughing. Your partner might think you're joking if your fantasy is extremely surprising. Explain to him or her that this is a sensitive subject, and that you are counting him or her to be supportive. Have your partner reveal some fantasies of their own to balance out the awkwardness. Moushumi Ghose writes about how to bring bring BDSM into bed and why your fantasies are beneficial.
What ever your question is, you should be looking for the answers together. Resolving your questions are not as important as sharing them with the person you're committed to.
Jason Estrada is currently working on his master's for creative writing, in the hopes of becoming a very rich screenwriter some day. His other interests include photography, cinematography, and video editing. His favorite book is The Great Gatsby. Favorite movie is either The Crow or When Harry Met Sally - can't decide. And his all time favorite show is Doctor Who.When he's not enjoying any of those things, you can find him at home, drinking and smoking way too much while listening to VNV Nation. Connect with him via email at jason@getlusty.com or subscribe via Facebook.
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