Why Does Sex Stop After Marriage?

Sex should never stop after getting into a long-term relationship or marriage. Sex is natural and healthy and needs to be consistent. We have already discussed scheduling sex and making time for romance. But why do some couples let sex take a back seat in their relationship? How did they (or we, sometimes) get this far? After several weeks, then months, has sex completely stopped? Sexologist and marriage counselor, Dawn Michael MFT is here to shed some light on the topic.

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Sexless marriage is on the rise. And with 50% of all marriages end in divorce, there may be a trend here. With remaining couples that do hang on, more than half of them live in sexless marriages. What is a sexless marriage?

What is it?

A sexless marriage can be defined as a marriage where the couples have little to no sex every month, or several months. This is not due to an illness or sudden event but a natural rhythm that happens over time in a marriage. There are a few main causes for sexless marriages and it can happen gradually overtime.

Causes?

Men and women both can have equal sex drives, but at different times of the day and the month. Men and women also approach sex differently with how they may want it or what the sex in the marriage means to them. When looking at sex in a marriage it is more than the act of intercourse, it is the act of sexual intimacy, two people sharing a special bond. Sexual intimacy is a feeling that goes along with sex and when the couple is sexually satisfied with each other they will also feel sexual intimacy. In a woman’s monthly cycle she will go through times when she is more sexually attracted to her mate, this is when a woman should approach her husband and initiate sex. Part of the problem for many couples is that men are the ones expected to initiate the sex, but it should be equal. When a person feels sexual towards their spouse they should initiate the sex, or let their spouse know that they would like to be sexually intimate with them.

Change it up

For men the level of testosterone is at its peak in the morning and then decreases in the evening. The typical scenario of sex at night may actually be better in the morning for some men. This is where couples often make a mistake in love making; sometimes morning sex is the best sex. Especially after a long day for both a man and women the evening may be a time of sleep, but recharged in morning may be the perfect time for a sexual encounter.

One of the top reasons for sexless marriage is the concept that once married, sex is a given and this is a sad mistake. The sex in marriage takes work. Not in a hard way but fun, thoughtful, sexy, and erotic way. Couples need to work on making sex fun; a priority in the marriage. The couples that have a great sexual relationship will have less to argue about and the little things usually will melt away. If you are in a sexless marriage get help. Sex is natural, normal and healthy!

Check out Dawn's original post (cross-posted with permission) at The Happy Spouse.

A note from our editor: Soon, GetLusty for Couples will be featuring sex therapists, psychologists and counselors starting in Chicago. I know the difficulty of recovering from sexual trauma and difficulty. After numerous counseling sessions, my sex and emotional life improved greatly. That's why GetLusty is committed to recommending the best counselors for those of you who need help to get it. Thanks, Erica



This is a post by Dawn Michael MFT.

Dawn is an International Certified Clinical Sexologist and Marriage Counselor specializing in helping individuals and couples to have a healthy sex life, through communication, solution based counseling and home assignments. Visit her website The Happy Spouse for more information or to get in touch with Dawn. Also find her on Twitter @SexConseling.