5 Things NOT To Do Mid-Blowjob: Part 2

Maybe it's because it's Dick & Dildo December, but we're thinking about blowjobs a lot lately. Sometimes those who bestow the gift of the blowjob get the idea that trying new blowjob techniques will be a fabulous idea! That we don't necessarily need to even chat with our partners. I'll just pull out this crazy, fun, new idea that Cosmo gave me. He'll love it! Then, you go home and try it and surprise. It may be hilarious, but it doesn't really provide much pleasure to either of you. Therefore, in Part 2 of our series (check out part 1 here) on things not to do during a blowjob, our Brendan White returns with more of what not to do.

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Did you think the bad blow job inquisitor was finished with merely 5 mediocre blow job maneuvers?  Please. I'm back with part II of bad blow job techniques! Curious about part I? Check them out: bad blowjob techniques.

I want to dispel some so-called blowjob techniques I ran into in magazines and online. Right off the bat I want to eliminate: hot sauce, sandpaper on the balls, scrotal acupuncture. I haven't personally experienced all of these, so if you have personal experience with any of these techniques and beg to differ, let me know in the comments section! Onward! 5 more blowjob techniques to avoid at all costs (or to at the very least talk with your partner about beforehand)!

#1 Spraying me with ice water?! No, please!

Spraying your partner with a bottle of ice water may cool down some hot foreplay. And weird him out. At the very least ladies, please talk with your partners before you try this. 

#2 Surprise anal action

While a blow job may feel incredible accompanied with massaging the prostate, this is not a move you bust out willy-nilly. This is one of those things you should talk about first with your blow job recipient. There are people out there that look at the anus as a one-way street. Fingers are not welcome there. A little communication goes a long way.  

#3 Nutella

Dip his dick in Nutella? Really? This isn't to stay that Nutella is not absolutely deliciously goodness. Everyone calm down and get back in your seats!

However, Nutella is also thick and pasty. Dry mouth, anyone? It'd be the equivalent of a peanut butter blowjob! A more viscous chocolate syrup is less dangerous and can achieve the same  effect. I am extremely curious about if anyone has used that hardening chocolate syrup sexually. Report back to me!

#4 Talking weirdly dirty

While I think talking dirty can be extremely sexy, it is a slippery slope. Too often, people take their dirty talk queues from porn, which we all know is not like our real life sex. Porn often times is meant to be over the top and absurd, so saying something like, "I'm going to lay siege to your penis with my mouth pussy!" to your significant other may just confuse and upset them. Talking dirty is hot when it sounds genuine. Another thing to consider: it doesn't always have to be filthy to be dirty. Soon, GetLusty for Couples will have multiple ways to talk dirty. For now, talk about talking dirty before sex. See what they'd like to hear and what you'd like to say.

#5 Combining them all!?

Most of this list is based on inference, not experience. I would love it for someone to do some gonzo journalism. Get your guy ready, then run to the kitchen. Grab the nutella, pepper, grapes from the freezer, fork, cold water and pop rocks (maybe for ease you could assemble this motley list into a specially allocated "blow job drawer"), and go to town!  I advice just giving the blowjob in the kitchen to save you a few trips. You may want one of these while you're causing sexual PTSD.

Talk about it!

But hey, who am I to judge. Human beings have demonstrated that they can sexualize virtually anything. That being said, I cannot stress how important it is to talk to your partner.

It may not feel very elegant or sexy to explicitly discuss what you want to do or want to receive but it's much better than being unpleasantly surprised in the middle of a hot and heavy moment. Consent is sexy. There should be no surprise sexual acts. If you're uncertain, talk about it.

This article is by GetLusty writer, Brendan White. Brendan is a Boston University graduate with a passion for all things historical and also all things sex. A recent Boston transplant to Chicago, Brendan has a musical mind and at one point toured the country. When he's not thinking about conquering feudal Japan chances are he's playing loud rock n' roll in some laboratory with other like-minded individuals. When he's not thinking about GetLusty he's spending time with his exceptionally lovely girlfriend.

What to get in touch with him?  E-mail Brendan at brendan@getlusty.com.  

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5 Ways to Have a More Seductive Thanksgiving

It seems that most people don't think Thanksgiving can be sexy. In fact, it could be considered the most unsexy holiday possible. We don't buy it! This isn't just a day for grandparents and cousins, it's a day spent with your sexy partner. GetLusty's Matt Stickles gives five ways to make your day of giving thanks a sexy one.

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#1 Cuddle when you have the chance

Be sure to cuddle up with one another. Thanksgiving can be quite a hectic time, especially if your hosting. You and your partner can only benefit from a little bit of cuddling in the morning and at night. Nothing helps you forget the stresses of cooking and family drama like holding your partner in your arms when you get a break. If you decide you want to make moves past cuddling, go for it!

#2 Fun under the table

Just because you're married or have been together for a while doesn't mean you can't play. In fact, quite the opposite. Playing footsie under the table is a great way to remind your partner that you are still thinking about them. You still find them just as appetizing as the the delicious food on top of the table! If you are sitting next to your partner, then a discretely wander your hand over to their lap--it can be pretty seductive!

#3 Play in the kitchen 

If your hosting, cooking can be a major hassle. Even though putting together a great meal for a lot of people is a major stress, you and your partner can make it fun by fooling around in the kitchen! Drip some cranberry sauce on his or her neck, put a drop of whip cream on their chest, then help them with the clean-up by licking it off. If your kitchen is separate from the festivities, and you two are all alone for a moment, have yourselves a quick make-out session. There's nothing much sexier than sneaking around with inappropriate behavior.

#4 Massages

You just ate your own weight in turkey, mashed potatoes, and stuffing. The both of you just want to lay on the couch and veg out, neither of you feeling very sexy. However, a little massage is a great way to make each other feel better and maybe even get in the mood. A full body massage might be out of the question, due to that food-baby sitting in your belly. But you can still rub their feet, shoulders, scalp, hands, and arms. As long your partner is not resting on their stomach, mini massage feel amazing and are welcomed touches (do ask first, though).

#5 A Thanksgiving quickie

If you're hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year, then you have all kinds of options for some sexy fun. At some point during the festivities, sneak off with your partner to the bedroom for a quicky. Too much for you? How about a quick blow job in the bathroom? You don't even have to go as far as those things. Find a place with a locked door, throw a hand down his pants, or up her skirt, and just give a taste of what's waiting for them.

Our newest writer is a history, sex and love... lover, Matt Stickles.

Matt is a recent grad from the University of Kansas with Bachelor's degrees in History and Anthropology. Matt currently lives just outside of Chicago. When Matt is not writing and reading articles on GetLusty for Couples, you can catch him getting drinks with friends, reading science fiction, watching the Jayhawks dominate college basketball, or hanging out with Hannah, his Bernese Mountain dog. Have questions, comments or concerns? E-mail him at matt@getlusty.com.

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The 3 Most Awkward Snuggie Sex Positions

We've had a delay on our daily dose of sex positions, so to bounce back we're here with Snuggie sex. Yes, you heard right. Sex with Snuggies on.

You know? Those cuddly, soft and fuzzy bath-robe-type lounge wear? On the search for the finest sex positions, we found these. And we thought you should know. GetLusty's staff writer Milan Weasley is here to talk about sex positions.

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Whilst browsing sex positions, I came across Snuggie Sutra. The tongue-in-cheek quality of these descriptions are only matched by the hilarious figures. After reading a few, snickers are inevitable. But I wanted to take the challenge of adding my own spin onto some of these positions.

The Gobble Gobble

Tis' the holiday season. Thanksgiving is coming in just under 2 weeks. This holiday is all about sharing what you have and giving to others. After clearing off the dinner table, why not give to each other?

To add another layer of weirdness: gobble like your life depended on it. Between your moans and sighs of ecstasy, throw in a few deep and throaty gobbles.

As if this isn't good enough, throw a snuggie in the mix. It's even warmer and snnuglier. Oh, my! Though the awkward factor on this position is low, we're glad it is. Focus on the cunnilingus--or blowjob--here, folks!


The Banana Split

I have one word for this position: bananas. 

This position would take quite a bit of flexibility. But it looks pretty interesting. Take advantage of your kitchen, especially if you live in a smaller apartment. There's always interesting places to have sex.

To amp up the awkward: bring props. Nothing better than adding a cherry on top. Or a nice shower of roasted peanuts. Bonus points if you can distract your partner long enough to stick them into crevices.

On a side note: even more bonus points for doing the splits during sex. If you do, watch out. You'll likely need some help to get out of this position.

The Night In

Don't ya just love multitasking? You can have an orgasm while you finish up the last few chapters of The Hunger Games or maybe a book appropriate for adults, like the complete collection of English poet, painter and visionary William Blake. How far can you get before throwing down your book?

If it wasn't already odd enough: try reading out loud. Much like Hysterical Literature, after a while it gets pretty hard to hold your moans in. Make it a game. Read the most outlandish quotes you can find. First to laugh loses. And "losing means certain death. May the odds be ever in your favor."

Snuggie sex may be almost impossible to have without laughing. But it can be done. What's love without laughter anyway? And if you can't hold back the giggles, add some of my silly hints to make it that much goofier. Have you tried Snuggie sex? Would you try it now? Share with us below!

Milan Weasley is one of our first lesbian writers. (Ah! Dykes and dildos!) She spends her days procrastinating grad school and her nights procrastinating everything else. She enjoys writing, gogo dancing, sewing, pole dancing, and defending the Oxford comma. Get in touch with her at milan@getlusty.com.

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