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Showing posts with label Female orgasm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Female orgasm. Show all posts

Female Multiple Orgasm 101: a Ladies Mini-Guide


Ladies! Let’s talk about multiple orgasms. You’ve probably heard other women talk about them in reverent, clandestine tones, as if having multiple orgasms is equivalent to being a part of the Illuminati. Oh curious reader, allow me to indoctrinate you. There’s no rite of initiation, there’s no secret handshake, and vaginas only kind of secretly rule the world. The truth of the matter is that they’re my bread and butter, and my life would be radically different without the ability to have them. They make me feel good, and inducing them makes my partner feel good. There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t have more than one orgasm if you want, and if you keep reading, you’re going to know multiple orgasms, A to Z. GetLusty's SugarCunt sheds some light on the mysterious Multiple Orgasm.

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Multiple orgasms are not what you think

Multiple orgasms do not follow a single model. Don’t think that for multiple orgasms to “count”, they have to occur within seconds of one another. For some people, multiple orgasms occur when they experience a strong climax, and then enjoy successive aftershocks as their autonomic reflexes “bounce off” the first orgasm. For others, multiple orgasms occur with short breaks in between; Betty Dodson, of dodsonandross.com, compares this model to sneezing multiple times – there’s a little buildup between each one.

In Express MilaukeeLaura Anne Stuart, MPH clearly defines multiple orgasms as successive orgasms that take place without reaching the “resolution” phase of the human sexual response model. In Masters and Johnson’s model of human sexual response, the four phases are excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. If you have multiple orgasms, your orgasm doesn’t resolve. Instead, you return to the plateau stage and get to catapult blissfully back into orgasm.

According to Dr. Laura Berman, men have a refractory period – a time in which they may be unable to get another erection or have another orgasm, but women do not. Women might need a break between orgasms because of clit sensitivity, but that’s different from a refractory period. A woman’s body is still capable of having more orgasms.

Why aren’t more people having multiple Os?

The common belief is that almost all women are capable of having multiple orgasms. According to Dr. Rachel Abrams there are few conditions that may prevent it, such as pelvic surgery or injury, and severe chronic illness. Short of those negating factors, why aren’t more women having more orgasms?

Some of you may not have heard about multiple orgasms until you read this article. Some women may have read about it in Redbook or Cosmo, but didn't think that their partners would be accommodating. Some women feel like having more than one orgasm is greedy. Many women probably think that they just aren’t capable of it. Whatever the hang-up is, you can overcome it.

Want to start having multiple orgasms?

First things first: Know what you like. If you’re barely getting to one orgasm, maybe the technique being used isn’t what you need to get off. Try something new! Masturbation is one of the best ways to figure out what really gets you off, and it’s also the best place to start trying to have more than one orgasm. Masturbation ensures that your first attempts will take place in a low-pressure environment, and if you simply can’t make it to two or beyond, you can always try again later without feeling like you’ve disappointed anyone. Once you figure out what gets you past the first orgasm, you can share the knowledge with your partner to remove some of the guesswork.

Get in the mood and do things that encourage an intense orgasm. Not sure how to take your orgasms to the next level? 5 ways to orgasm more intensely has you covered. Some other words of advice: Make sure that you’ve been thoroughly aroused before you attempt to attain your first orgasm. If need be, tease yourself a little by approaching orgasm, then backing off several times, which will increase the sexual tension in your body. If you have an earth-shaking first orgasm, you may have a chance to reap the benefits of those bouncing autonomic reflexes.

Contract your pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle). Rhythmic contractions can herald and enhance an orgasm, and a strong pelvic floor can assist you in your attempt to have multiple orgasms. Kegel exercises will help strengthen your pelvic floor and make controlling these contractions much easier, so give them a try.

If your clit tends to become oversensitive, back off of it and try stimulating some other part of your body while keeping yourself in the moment by flexing your PC muscle, rocking your hips, and breathing. You may only have to leave your clit alone for a few seconds before you’re back in the game.

Don’t obsess over it

Yes, you should keep in mind that you aren’t going to quit once you’ve had your first orgasm, but don’t be single-minded about having more than one; you’ll make yourself anxious and it will detract from your arousal. Don’t think that the sexual episode is failed if you don’t have multiples. There’s nothing wrong with having – or preferring – one orgasm. Every orgasm is an enjoyable achievement, so don’t take the one that you had for granted. You aren’t being graded, so have fun!

Sugarcunt is incorrigible. She was born with a vagina, identifies as gender-queer pansexual feminist, and embraces female pronouns. When she isn't playing video games, blogging, or reading, she spends her spare time trying to pioneer the art of dildo knitting. Lover of snark, cats, cephalopods, and baked goods, she lives with her boyfriend, three pets, and an army of sex toys in the mountains of North Carolina. She blogs about sex toys, sex-positivity, body-positivity, queer culture, gender, and kink at Sugarcunt Writes, and you can find her on twitter as @Sugarcunt.

Female Orgasm: True or False?

Orgasm is the ultimate in sexual enjoyment. Sometimes we think it's the be-all and end-all of sex. While it's enjoyable, it's not necessary to orgasm every time. At GetLusty, we think sex is about pleasuring yourself and your partner. Orgasm can be an excellent release, so we wanted to share information about it. We'll start with the female orgasm. This is a guest post by Searah Deysach, owner of Early to Bed. Early to Bed is one of the foremost women-owned sex toy stores in Chicago. Over the next several months, GetLusty will help organize several awesome upcoming events there.

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Wondering whether your lady has had an orgasm? Here are some truths and false statements about the female orgasm.

Vaginas get wet when a woman is turned on. 

TRUE

Except for when that isn’t true. Women can be turned on and not get super wet, women can get wet and not be super turned on. So while the conventional wisdom is that wetness = sexually aroused, that equation is not 100% accurate all the time. Remember that this does not mean that wetness is considered a sign that a woman has had an orgasm.

There is one way to “give” a woman an orgasm. 

FALSE

Every single woman on the planet is different and responds to sexual stimulation in her own way. There is not a guaranteed toy, trick, gel, drink, herb, patch or technique that will work for each woman. It is TRUE that a majority of women like/need direct clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, but the actual type of stimulation varies and is not necessary for every woman.

Female ejaculation is real.

TRUE

Yes, female ejaculation is real and women can ejaculate when having an orgasm, but LOTS of women have fantastic orgasms without ejaculating.



There is one way to know a woman has had an orgasm. 

FALSE

The only real way to know is to have you partner tell you that she has. Some women make loud guttural noises, and some are quiet and silent when they climax. Some squeak. Some laugh. Some cry. Some yell. Some just smile.

And yes, some even lie about it. You will never truly know if your partner has had an orgasm unless she tells you. And she might not do that unless you ask her.

I suggest not jumping in right after you come and saying, “Did you come huh, huh? Did you have an orgasm?” Instead, maybe ask her gently something to the effect, “Was that nice? Do you want a little more attention anywhere? Can I keep pleasuring you?” Alternatively, ask her when you are not in the sack, “Soooooo.. I was just wondering cause I can’t really tell from your body language, but do you have orgasms when you have sex/fuck/make love?”

I know that can be an awkward question, but if you really can’t tell if she is having an orgasm, it's actually a really nice thing to do. And if her answer is, “No. I don’t," then a great follow up question is, “Oh, sorry... What can I do to help that happen for you?”.

Conclusion

Talk to your partner about sex! Be a generous lover and communicate your desires, questions and needs. And women - tell your partners what is going with your body. It is hot and people like knowing you are feeling good when they touch/stroke/tickle/fondle you right there.

Searah Deysach is owner of Early to Bed. She's been committed to informing Chicago about sex and love for over a decade. She's written for and been featured in numerous publications on the topic from Chicago Now to WBEZ, MsBehaved, Chicago Reader and beyond. She also lectures frequently on topics related to sex and sexuality. Follow Searah on Twitter as @EarlyToBed, Subscribe on Facebook and follow her blogs on the Early to Bed Blog.

Comments or questions? Please include them below or get in touch with us at reply@getlusty.com.

10 Essential Lessons About Female Orgasm


Just because we're on Dick & Dildo December doesn't mean we can't vag out on our favorite topic: female orgasms. We love talking about female orgasms, and why wouldn't we? We recently shared some important erogenous zones, how to have more intense orgasms and of course, more information on the ever-so-important G-Spot orgasm. GetLusty loves female orgasms! Today, our resident queen of dominance, Portia Blush is here to provide a few more absolute essential lessons about the female orgasm.
 
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Ever wished your female lover's body came with an instruction manual for optimum pleasure? Think the female orgasm is as elusive as the golden snitch in Harry Potter, or winning that latest Powerball lottery? Think again! Here are some insights from the inside on just what you need to know about the female orgasm from one woman who loves having them!

#1 We're not all built the same 

The most important lesson of all to know about the female orgasm is that we don't all get there the same way. Just like with what gets you off guys, there is no "One size fits all" owner's manual on how to please a woman. Our orgasm, and how we achieve it, as as individual as we are. To this extent, don't assume that what has worked wonders with other women, will work with the partner you have now. If she doesn't take the lead by telling you what takes her there, speak up and ask! We like lovers who are as interested in pleasing us, as they are in being pleased. Ladies, take ownership of your own pleasure and tell him, or better, show him!

#2 This is not a timed test 

 The timing of how long it takes a woman to reach orgasm varies greatly. Time of the month (as far as where she is in her cycle), her mood and where her mind is at, and the stimulation she is receiving (or not receiving) are just some of the variables that will effect how long it takes to reach orgasm. A woman who can cum rather quickly on one day, may take longer on another. Some women may even feel the need to fake an orgasm if they perceive you feel they're taking too long. Honestly, I've done it myself, and I have heard from many female friends that they have as well. We don't want to do that believe me, so do your lover a favor and don't make her feel like she is in a race to orgasm at the pace you want her to. Just like you don't want to be worried if you are lasting long enough, we don't want to feel equally pressured to orgasm on a time schedule. 

#3 Don't stop the groove 

Variety in lovemaking is a great goodness, and should be applauded. However, If you are doing something with your tongue, or the rhythm of your thrusts with your cock that has your woman writhing in ecstasy, whatever you do, don't stop doing it! Pay attention to how your partner is reacting to what you're doing. If you have found a rhythm that has her thrusting her hips into you for more and climbing excitedly to orgasmic bliss, don't suddenly change the groove on her. 

There is nothing worse than being inches away from orgasm, only to have it thwarted because your lover decided to change things up at the worst possible moment. I'm not sure why some of you guys do this, but it seems that sometimes right as you know we're approaching orgasm, you start going faster and harder for what seems like no reason at all. If we are moaning in pleasure about to peak, don't stop the groove! Pay attention, learn her signals, and when you know you're on the right path, stay your course, good man!

#4 Ring bell for service 

Our clitoris is not the only thing we like stroked. While we ladies definitely need clit stimulation to get off, that is not the one and only way to make us cum like wildfire. You've heard of that elusive G-Spot before? It's no myth! It's located just about 1-2 inches just inside the vagina on the upper wall (think towards the belly button if this confuses you).  

If you're going down on your woman, don't be afraid to use your hands to sweeten the deal. One or two well-placed fingers stroking her g-spot will have most women juicy with joy! Some rare women, like myself, even enjoy a finger inserted in our anus while we're being eaten out.

Though many women feel their anus is like a "No fly zone", so don't go exploring uncharted territory without asking first. And fingers aren't just for inserting either! Massage her labia gently, stroke her inner thighs, trace her body with one hand: the possibilities for pleasure in this sense are endless! For more information on the elusive G-Spot orgasm, check out our many ideas. We've got advanced cunnilingus with g-spot stimulation tips, wonderful books on g-spot and even the in-fashion technique of squirting.

#5 We like a little pre-game show 

Don't turn up your nose at the art of foreplay! Take the time to not only romance her, but her body as well. We hate it when you want to jump right into the heat of the action, without some warm up. Women are like fine wine; we want to be savoured. Don't just slide in and start pumping away, we need you to work your way up to that. Tease her, slowly stroke the length of her body, and whatever you do, don't underestimate the sensuality of kissing! Everyone likes a quickie on occasion, but when you have the time, make sure you spend it drinking in every ounce of your partner, and revel in the journey, not just the destination.

#6 Touch her with your words 

While men are more visual creatures, women tend to be more auditory when it comes to arousal.  Talk to your lover. Tell her how sexy she is, how much you love her body, and all the things you want to do to her. We love to hear how much you desire us, and how you so eagerly want to enjoy every ounce of our bodies. There's nothing like a well-timed whisper in our ear as you're sliding yourself in and out of us, or the sound of our name on your lips as we send you into the throws of orgasmic heaven. We also love to hear your pleasure too, so don't be afraid to let us know with moans of pleasure how much you are loving what we're doing to you!

#7 We are not breakable 

Not every woman likes sex soft and gentle. Some of us like to be fucked with wild primal abandon that can sometimes only be seen on Animal Planet! Although we may look like delicate creatures, I can assure you we will not break. If we say we want to be ridden fiercely, to witness the masculine strength and prowess we know you're capable of. Believe us!  

#8 Variety is king 

That being said, we may not always be looking for lovemaking in the same style and fashion one day, as we will the next. Just like you guys, we want different things when we're in different moods. Our orgasms are much the same. Some days we may want to be made love to slowly by you while a serenade of Barry White songs playing in the background, and others we may want to be fucked senseless up against the wall with animalistic force while our clothing is still half on. Some days one scenario will have us humming like a tuning fork with passion, and some days not. Go with the flow! 

#9 Be a gentlemen 

Make sure we cum first! I say this for two reasons: One, this takes the pressure off of us for feeling like we need to match your arousal peak for peak, and allows us to relax, which makes reaching orgasm that much easier. Two: because if you're going to roll over and slip into "snoresville" right after you cum, we will be left hanging, and honestly guys, this is the equivalent of "Blue Balling" your lady. It's not fun for you when this happens, and it is definitely not fun for us. Remember, ladies first!

#10 Knowledge is power 

Above all, strive to know your partner's body. Learn what turns her on, what heats her up, and what sets her off like a 4th of July fireworks explosion! This comes with time, which is one thing that can make couplehood so sexy, as you will gain a more intricate map of your partner's sexual pleasure map over time with each experience.  

Have fun my fellow sexplorers, and play safe! Want more tips and tricks on the allusive female orgasm? Contact Portia Blush below or give us a quick e-mail at reply@getlusty.com. We'd love to hear from you! 

Seeking to shatter the myth that "nice girls don't talk about sex", and somehow trying to survive her mid-30's in suburbia without large doses of vodka, Portia Blush is a saucy Sapiosexual who shares with an infectious wit and a candid vulnerability about her explorations of sex, love, intimacy, kink, the occasional obsession, and everything in between; one true story at a time.

She has over 10 years experience playing Switchy in the BD/SM scene, and has explored a myriad of relationship configurations from monogamous to poly. She holds a BFA from some hoity-toity NYC art school, and still ponders the meaning of life on a regular basis. Follow her on Twitter @erogenousblog and Facebook and of course, ErogenoUS her blog.

Ladies! 5 Ways to Orgasm More Intensely

We've written lots of articles on orgasms. We even dedicated October to Orgasms. about how to give intense orgasms. So what can be better than orgasming? Making those orgasms over the top. If you are already having great orgasms, here are a few steps you can take to make them even better. GetLusty staff writer, Milan Weasley reports.

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This article is very important for all the ladies out there. Have you ever been in a place where your orgasms aren't amazing? Try these ideas on for size! Without ado, 5 ways to orgasm more intensely.

#1 Kegels

Work out your kegel muscles. The stronger these muscles are, the more sensitive you will be vaginally, during intercourse. They increase circulation in your genital area. Your kegel muscles or pubococcygeus muscles (PC) include your clitoris, G-spot, and even some areas of your thighs. You can locate these muscles by squeezing to stop the flow of urination.

Empty your bladder and start to squeeze and hold these muscles. Squeezing in short pulses and longer intervals will strengthen the muscles. Remember don't preform these exercises while urinating. Repeatedly stoping the flow can cause reflux, and send urine back up your urethra. I recommend doing these exercises every time you finish using the bathroom. With discipline you can strengthen these muscles so much you may be able to orgasm by flexing them.

#2 Breathe

We love Kegels so much, we wrote an entire article on how to do Kegels, and also Kegel toys. Breathing brings more oxygen into your bloodstream. Consciously, controlling your breathing will immediately enhance your sexual experiences. Controlling your breathing soothes tension and brings more life and energy to your cells.

Panting promotes arousal and sexual excitability. Pant from your stomach, not your throat. Sometimes, this just happens involuntarily -- but make it a point to focus on your breathe. Breathing in through your mouth and out through your nose slows the build of erotic sensation. Curl your tongue or press it against the roof of your mouth. Breathe in and hold your breath. Exhale through your nose. It's also a cooling breath.

#3 Anticipate

Orgasms aren't all about the finish line. The journey is just as important. The more anticipation that is built up on the road to orgasm, the bigger the release. It slows and stretches things out. Either way you work this, both parties will have the chance to build anticipation. Tension orgasms are shorter and less intense. It involves holding your breath and squeezing/tensing your muscles. When you relax and make the road to orgasm last longer, the end will be a more intense, bigger, and longer release.

This anticipation doesn't begin and end in the bedroom. Send each other erotic pictures. Describe what you want in text messages. Set up a surprise homemade dinner or bubble bath to soak in. You can build anticipation during sex. Get to the brink of orgasm and switch positions. The tension will build up and it has to be released. That orgasmic release will get bigger the more you delay it.

#4 Explore

There are areas on a woman's body that are also sensitive before and during sex. In the lips, tongue, neck, and shoulders there are millions of nerve endings. They are very sensitive to touching and kissing. There are erogenous zones all over a woman's body. Trying new positions will up the pleasure. And even new locations. Having sex in 'dangerous' places or in thrill-seeking ways will release dopamine-which is also released during orgasm. So adding more increases the intensity. Even in a different room in your living space!

Let your partner whisper in your ears. The ears are a link straight to one of the body's most sensitive areas during stimulation, the brain. Gently blowing on the ears will send shivers down your spine. The neck is just as sensitive. Light kisses and bites will be just as exciting.

Your scalp is sensitive as well. Each strand of hair is attached to it by a nerve ending. Meaning there are thousands of opportunities to deliver more stimulation.

And during orgasm, let your partner gently pull your hair. Pulling your hair surprisingly releases endorphins, which will increase your orgasm.

#5 Relax

Your mind is the first thing to relax. Don't focus on delivering mind blowing orgasms. The pressure can be overwhelming. Especially if you aren't successful. Performance anxiety can exist in the bedroom and can lead to all types of problems. Relaxation is the solution to stress. The focus should be on your connection with your partner. Focus on the passion of your love and your attraction. Relaxation will make both of your bodies better able to orgasm.

You can have all the tricks in the world, but if your thoughts are elsewhere and you aren't relaxed, you won't be able to orgasm. Communication during sex can help with relaxing also. If you don't trust your partner, or vice versa, you won't be completely open. Keep the lines of communication open. Giving your body to your partner, includes giving your mind and trust just as much. Focus on the moment and not on other activities. We even have tips on staying in the moment sexually!


This is another wonderful post by GetLusty staff writer and lover of amazing orgasms, Milan Weasley. She's pretty amazing. In fact, Milan is one of GetLusty for Couples' first lesbian writers. (Ah! Dykes and dildos!) She spends her days procrastinating grad school and her nights procrastinating everything else. She enjoys writing, gogo dancing, sewing, pole dancing, and defending the Oxford comma.

Questions, comments or article ideas? Get in touch with Milan at milan@getlusty.com or on her Tumblr.

3 Books on Having Amazing G-Spot Orgasms

The holidays are upon us and, as gift-giving season draws near, we at GetLusty want to help you give the special lady in your life one of the best gifts anyone can give: mind-blowing orgasms! We know, we know, the female G-Spot can be a tricky thing to navigate and the journey to this elusive pleasure center can be intimidating. That in mind, we’ve picked our 3 favorite guides to finding the (female) g-spot. These three books have everything you need to help you give your lady love the best orgasms of her life. GetLusty's Stephanie Kathleen reports.

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#1 The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation: The Best Positions and Latest Techniques for Creating Powerful, Long-Lasting, Full-Body Orgasms

By: Tristan Taormino

Proper stimulation of the G-spot can yield incredible orgasms and the unique and powerful experience of female ejaculation. However, unlike the clitoris, which is easily visible, the G-spot can be tricky to locate and takes skill to work it in just the right way. The Secrets of G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation gives readers step-by-step instructions on how to enhance female pleasre and how to give mind blowing, full body orgasms. It demystifies this controversial erogenous zone with the latest techniques, positions, and toys for harnessing the power of the G-spot for incredible pleasure.

Sonia Borg, Ph.D., M.A., M.P.H., and author of Oral Sex She’ll Never Forget and Oral Sex He’ll Never Forget calls this book, "Your one-stop shop for G-spot stimulation and female ejaculation. Truly, a fabulous book."

"This is the must-read book for any woman interested in discovering the secrets of her G-spot. Tristan will teach you how to find and play with the spot for your ultimate pleasure." –Jorgan LaRousse and Samantha Sade, authors of Penis Genius and Clitology

One Amazon reader writes, “Immediately, the book struck me as something everyone needs to read. The book has so much information from how to achieve full body orgasms, toy safety and cleanliness to how to ejaculate. There are tips for achieving orgasm solo or partnered as well. Every so often in the middle of all the great instruction and tops were Erotic Interludes. The Erotic Interludes are great erotic short stories. The photos in the books were very clear and fitting for where they were placed.”

#2 Unleashing Her G-Spot Orgasm: A Step-by-Step Guide to Giving a Woman Ultimate Sexual Ecstasy

By: Donald L. Hicks

Do you long to help your lover experience the "Big O" she'll never forget? Are you ready to learn the truth about the G-Spot, Female Ejaculations, Blended Orgasms, and other aspects of female sexuality?" If so, this book is for you. It gives you proven detailed techniques that are simple to perform yet guaranteed to maximize female pleasure. Through a unique marriage of clinical fact and everyday application, this guide combines the latest research findings of world-renowned sexologists and physicians with feedback drawn from over 1000+ surveyed people. People from all walks of life. People...just like you.

This book helps you take your sex life to a higher level. The author carefully details proven techniques that are amazingly simple yet guaranteed to elicit the ultimate in female pleasure. In this innovative guide, you'll learn a proven and tested "10-Step technique" that can be used by anyone to evoke the G-Spot's awesome power. You'll also learn: 1) How to find the G-Spot 2) How to stimulate and arouse the G-Spot from its latent slumber 3) Why the G-Spot exists 4) How to self-stimulate the G-Spot 5) The truth behind Female Ejaculation: how and why it occurs 6) Why some women have difficulty reaching orgasm and how to overcome this problem 7) The latest findings in sexual research 8) How to achieve blended orgasms.

“Written by award-winning author Donald L. Hicks, with the aid of correspondence from expert human sexuality researchers, Unleashing Her G-Spot Orgasm: A Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving Ultimate Sexual Ecstasy lives fully up to its title. Chapters address the basics of human sexuality for pleasure, step-by-step techniques to use, types of G-Spot friendly coitus, how to deal with common problems that interfere with sexual pleasure (such as discomfort, "orgasm anxiety", or the urge to urinate), case studies, and more. A superb sex manual ideal for elevating one's sex life to new heights of passion.” –Midwest Book Review

One satisfied Amazon customer writes, “This is the best book available on the G-Spot and Female Sexuality. It's written in an easy-to-read manner, it's very "to the point", it's lesbian friendly, and it's readily apparent that the author did his homework. While the folks looking for "picture books" may be disappointed due to only one illustration, those who are willing to (actually) read a few pages, and desire to learn will be very pleased with this book. I give it five stars and will be watching for Hicks' next title.”

#3 Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot

By: Violet Blue

It's not a myth; it's a miracle, the G-spot, that powerhouse of female orgasm. With wit and panache, sex educator and best-selling writer Violet Blue helps readers master the sexual alphabet through G. Beginning with an anatomical guide and incorporating suggestions for couple-play, positions, toys, and safer sex, The Smart Girl's Guide to the G-Spot will lead to thrilling new sensations and earth-shaking, bed-breaking, gale force climaxes. As with all her sex guides, Violet includes sections on further reading and recommended videos and DVDs, and practical information on toys and toy shopping. Any girl can unleash her own awesome orgasmic superpower with The Smart Girl's Guide to the G-Spot.

Cory Silverberg from About.com Sexuality calls it “An easy to read, fun guide accessible to all sexual tastes, orientations and starting points.” He goes on to say: “Violet Blue gives you everything you need and nothing you don't to find out if G-spot stimulation is for you.”

“This is an easy-to-read guide written by a woman who clearly knows her G-Spot--and yours, and explains everything you need to know, from sex toys to ejaculation, no holes barred. It's especially important for women who may be worried about what their G-Spot can and can't do, or aren't sure it exists, or are being pressured into having their G-Spots stimulated by a partner (Blue also has great advice for partners who want to enjoy a woman's G-Spot). I also appreciated that Blue doesn't try to push G-Spot play onto everyone; she acknowledges that for many women it can be "too much" and that you should go at your own pace, and there's nothing wrong with not being into G-Spot stimulation. Short, sweet, with sexy stories by Alison Tyler illuminating the G-Spot's power, this book will make you curious about an area that's actually more than a "spot," and Blue's intensity is a welcome change from detached third person sex advice. So whether you've heard about the G-Spot, played with yours or someone else's, have no clue, or just want to make G-Spot pleasure that much more intense, check out this book.” –Very satisfied Amazon reader

This is a post by GetLusty staff writer Stephany Kathleen.

Stephanie has long believed she is a gay man trapped in a woman's body. She is a lover of good food, good sex and good grammar. A recent transplant to Chicago, she spends her free time with her super-duper-fly boyfriend and their three "kids" (2 cats, 1 dog). She has a blog she writes in every so often. She's still trying to get the whole Twitter thing down, but you can follow her @Vanderfloozie. Want to get in touch with her? Email stephanie@getlusty.com.

How Do I Tell Him I'm Not Orgasming?



There are plenty of bad things to happen in a relationship. But one of the things we don't expect is having to tell our partner we're not orgasming. It's one of those things that you don't want to talk about. You just want it to happen. But the situation won't change unless you talk about it. Right? GetLusty resident Los Angeles Sex Therapist and there-when-you-need-her most Moushumi Ghose is back to answer our readers' question: what should I do to tell my partner I'm not orgasming?

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Dear GetLusty for Couples,

I have been with my partner for several months now and he doesn't seem interested in touching me or kissing me other than on my mouth. He is 54 and I am 43 and I have never encountered a problem like this and have no idea how to talk about it with him about it?

He hugs me and kisses me passionately, rarely kisses my neck, ears or breasts. Sometimes he will touch my breasts, but a little rough. He gave me oral sex once, but not since and never touches me below waist. I never hesitate to perform any version of oral sex on him. I never get warmed up enough to orgasm unless I happen to be on top and have better control.

I am a very clean about hygiene and very conscious about odor so as to not be offensive and inviting. Have even picked up drinking pineapple juice as I read it makes vaginal fluids more appealing. I am not sure if he has some aversion to swapping bodily fluids since he won't kiss me after I have given oral sex. He's also pulled away when I tried to kiss him after the one time he did so for me, not an issue for me. He is kind and generous and loving otherwise and I want to be with him indefinitely. I have told him I love for him to touch me when he does so, so he will know I like it. How do I tell him in a loving way that I need to be touched, kissed and licked without hurting his ego? I think he believes I orgasm every time because he does excite me and I love to be with him and I am into moaning he just doesn't recognize the difference and he doesn't ask if I climaxed. Help!

Signed,
Really Wanting to Orgasm!

Dear Really Wanting to Orgasm,

Thanks for your question. It sounds like you have a clear sense of what you want but are having a hard time communicating this to your man. I also hear that he turns you on. And that in many ways he's affectionate and loving, but in certain ways he leaves you feeling a little neglected or rejected.

Ideally, you would be able to find a neutral time to sit down and slowly let him know what is pleasurable to you, but I get the sense that you are deeply concernd about hurting his feelings. This brings up a very common pattern I see too often in relationships. We are so afraid of hurting our partners feelings that we end up placating them and pushing our needs further and further down. In the name of being nice, of letting it slide "just this once".

We get into a pattern of not speaking up for ourselves which breeds frustration, anger and resentment and can eventaully tear the relationship down. I really want you to, before sitting down and having the "sex heart-to-heart" with him, be very conscious and aware that your needs are important too.

And beyond that, avoiding telling him what you want because you don't want to hurt his feelings is not a healthy attitude to have. He is a grown adult at 54, and should be able to handle what it is you need, without getting upset. How you deliver your wants and desires is key too. Avoid negative words, such as saying this like "Don't" or "Stop" during intimate times or the sex act itself. Instead, guide his hand towards the direction that suits your needs, or verbally tell him what you do want. Focus on the positive.

Second, speak up for yourself. It's okay to let him know that you did not have an orgasm this time, as you don't need to have one every time, since just being together is quite often enough for you, but "here are some things that will probably make me orgasm in the future." Also, ask him how it was for him. Ask him what worked best, what he liked the most. And then respond in kind. Tell him the same.

Model reciprcative behavior and then let him know you like to be asked. The key here is for you to know that it is okay to tell your partner word for word what you would like. He's not a mind reader, and neither are you. And though it may seem awkward at first, practice makes perfect.

Good luck,
Moushumi

This is another guest post by the well-acclaimed GetLusty staff writer Moushumi Ghose. Moushumi is a Sex Therapist, Educator and Coach, Radio Host, Musician, and Filmmaker. She is licensed by the California Board of Behavioral  Science. She is a member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Mou also has extensive experience working with a variety of populations and diverse lifestyles.

Moushumi recently completed an eBook on, "Marriage, Money and Porn." and writes extensively for numerous other sites ranging from Men's Fitness Magazine to GoodTherapy.org. Find her on Twitter @motor_amourFacebook and her website LASexTherapist.com.

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