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Showing posts with label toys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toys. Show all posts
Do Kegels This #ToyWithMeTuesday!
We've talked about domination, restraints, contracts, and many other sexy forms of control. What about the subtleties of simple muscle control? Think of how many muscles go into a good love session. Usually we think of our legs, backs, and mostly our pelvises doing a majority of the work. GetLusty's Ellen Dukes is here to give a shout out to the often underrated, if not forgotten, Kegel muscles.
* * *
Allow me a quick anatomy lesson, readers. Pelvic floor muscles, or Kegels as named for the gynecologist Arnold Kegel, extend from the front pubic bone all the way back towards the anus. The muscles help with everything from urination to childbirth, even orgasm.
Both male and female genitalia can benefit from Kegel exercise. For men, stronger Kegel's mean lasting longing, or at help staunch premature ejaculation, as well as stronger orgasms. Women also receive a whole lovely list of pluses from regular pelvic exercise, but what I'm mostly focusing on are the sexy benefits.
Firstly, the basic muscle move: the squeeze.
You may not fully be aware of the muscle, but when you contract it, you'll know. Focus on your pelvis and pretend you're about to pee. Then stop the imaginary stream. Feel that smaller contraction? For guys it should be at the base of your scrotum, before your anus. Ladies, you'll feel it right around your vagina. It may sound bewilderingly obvious, but simply being aware of this powerful band of muscles can make a huge difference in your sex life. Ok, now that you've contracted, release. And that's the exercise. Seriously. It's small, but just ten minutes a day and you're on your way.
Try a few of these as well:
Unfortunately for our lovely male readers, this next section is focused solely on vaginal tools.
The vagina is an extremely important muscle, not simply an orifice. What you awesome guys can do is encourage your lady partner to try out some of these tools at home. Seriously, it will play to both your favors in the end. And we're off!
Silicone would be best for beginners. The material is wonderfully hygienic, softer, and warms easily to your body's temperature. Glass sounds terrifyingly breakable, especially for such a tender area, but well made balls are perfectly safe. You may've read about some stainless steel balls used in Fifty Shades of Grey. Steel is also another perfectly fine material, you may want to warm them in your hands before insertion though.
Now you may be pondering the plural form of balls, wondering if there must always be more than one. Nay, reader, nay!
Though these toys usually come in pairs, do not feel it necessary to use both at the same time. Try one for a while, then work up to two. Pinkcherry actually sells singular Smartballs with a helpful strap for removal which look very promising for beginners. Our friend Tizzy Wall even did a YouTube video tutorial on these little lovelies.
Also, similar to the balls are crystal eggs. Though they look more like table top decorations, these eggs function the same as balls. The egg shape allows for a different, but equally pleasurable experience, as well as a new shape to work your Kegels around.
They're typically heavier than balls, which can make for a bit more of a challenge, so I'd recommend these as a transitional toy. Again, do not feel pressured to place both eggs in at once if you're not ready. These exercises are about knowing your strength and focusing on the sensual control you have over your own body. What's the point if you feel uncomfortable or downright pained?
Lastly, there are the kegel weights or bars. Think along the lines of dildoes meets Ben Wa. Again, usually silicone or glass, these exercisers focus on the same muscles as balls or eggs, simply with a different shape and approach. The phallus shape allows for more of the vaginal wall to grip while you can actually pull the bar farther inside of you, or push it out. Kind of like vaginal pull ups, but with an arousing aspect. Pinkcherry has several models to choose from, differing in shape, length, and girth. I would recommend beginning with a very simple form, like Berman Intimate's Kona. We recommend only water-based lubes with this product, due to its texture.
Now that I've armed you with more vaginal knowledge, go forth! And remember your daily Kegels!
This is a guest post by GetLusty writer, Ellen Dukes. Though Ellen Dukes is not an ethical slut (a damn respectable title, she'll have you know), her curiosity, openness, and the indefatigable search engine Google have lead her to a 21st century sex education.
A Chicagoan, you may see Ellen enjoying the delights of her deeply loving relationship with her boyfriend. Have a naughty story? She's heard naughtier, but tell her all the same at editorial@getlusty.com. She's a wannabe sexpert with years of porn viewing, listening to sex stories, and textbook browsing just waiting to put this knowledge to wonderful use.
* * *Allow me a quick anatomy lesson, readers. Pelvic floor muscles, or Kegels as named for the gynecologist Arnold Kegel, extend from the front pubic bone all the way back towards the anus. The muscles help with everything from urination to childbirth, even orgasm.
Both male and female genitalia can benefit from Kegel exercise. For men, stronger Kegel's mean lasting longing, or at help staunch premature ejaculation, as well as stronger orgasms. Women also receive a whole lovely list of pluses from regular pelvic exercise, but what I'm mostly focusing on are the sexy benefits.
Firstly, the basic muscle move: the squeeze.
You may not fully be aware of the muscle, but when you contract it, you'll know. Focus on your pelvis and pretend you're about to pee. Then stop the imaginary stream. Feel that smaller contraction? For guys it should be at the base of your scrotum, before your anus. Ladies, you'll feel it right around your vagina. It may sound bewilderingly obvious, but simply being aware of this powerful band of muscles can make a huge difference in your sex life. Ok, now that you've contracted, release. And that's the exercise. Seriously. It's small, but just ten minutes a day and you're on your way.
Try a few of these as well:
- Slowly contract in, almost in stages: loosely, tighter, even tighter, tightest. Then release in reverse. Think of it like ab crunches, just farther south and slower.
- Focus on the movement and control of the muscles.
- Squeeze for as long as you can, then slowly release. Try holding for 15 seconds, then 30, then even a full minute.
- Pulse squeeze for a minute, then rest a minute. Try going faster, then alternate slower.
Unfortunately for our lovely male readers, this next section is focused solely on vaginal tools.
The vagina is an extremely important muscle, not simply an orifice. What you awesome guys can do is encourage your lady partner to try out some of these tools at home. Seriously, it will play to both your favors in the end. And we're off!
Silicone would be best for beginners. The material is wonderfully hygienic, softer, and warms easily to your body's temperature. Glass sounds terrifyingly breakable, especially for such a tender area, but well made balls are perfectly safe. You may've read about some stainless steel balls used in Fifty Shades of Grey. Steel is also another perfectly fine material, you may want to warm them in your hands before insertion though.
Now you may be pondering the plural form of balls, wondering if there must always be more than one. Nay, reader, nay!Though these toys usually come in pairs, do not feel it necessary to use both at the same time. Try one for a while, then work up to two. Pinkcherry actually sells singular Smartballs with a helpful strap for removal which look very promising for beginners. Our friend Tizzy Wall even did a YouTube video tutorial on these little lovelies.
Also, similar to the balls are crystal eggs. Though they look more like table top decorations, these eggs function the same as balls. The egg shape allows for a different, but equally pleasurable experience, as well as a new shape to work your Kegels around.
They're typically heavier than balls, which can make for a bit more of a challenge, so I'd recommend these as a transitional toy. Again, do not feel pressured to place both eggs in at once if you're not ready. These exercises are about knowing your strength and focusing on the sensual control you have over your own body. What's the point if you feel uncomfortable or downright pained?
Lastly, there are the kegel weights or bars. Think along the lines of dildoes meets Ben Wa. Again, usually silicone or glass, these exercisers focus on the same muscles as balls or eggs, simply with a different shape and approach. The phallus shape allows for more of the vaginal wall to grip while you can actually pull the bar farther inside of you, or push it out. Kind of like vaginal pull ups, but with an arousing aspect. Pinkcherry has several models to choose from, differing in shape, length, and girth. I would recommend beginning with a very simple form, like Berman Intimate's Kona. We recommend only water-based lubes with this product, due to its texture.
Now that I've armed you with more vaginal knowledge, go forth! And remember your daily Kegels!
This is a guest post by GetLusty writer, Ellen Dukes. Though Ellen Dukes is not an ethical slut (a damn respectable title, she'll have you know), her curiosity, openness, and the indefatigable search engine Google have lead her to a 21st century sex education. A Chicagoan, you may see Ellen enjoying the delights of her deeply loving relationship with her boyfriend. Have a naughty story? She's heard naughtier, but tell her all the same at editorial@getlusty.com. She's a wannabe sexpert with years of porn viewing, listening to sex stories, and textbook browsing just waiting to put this knowledge to wonderful use.
BDSM With Everyday Items: a How-to
Now that you've heard about Fifty Shades of Grey, you might be wondering if BDSM is going to be a big investment. Well, to do it right, leather and suede whips and high-quality corsets are beautiful and well worth their price tag. But if you're just getting into it, we recommend trying BDSM out for size first. GetLusty's UK-based Sara Albaladejo explains more.
* * *
So after having a chat about it you and your hubby are up for trying some BDSM, brilliant! The idea of being tied gets both of you in the dirty mood. You can almost feel the teasing of that flogger along your thighs leaving you breathless… Hold on, you don’t have any of those leathery, kinky toys? Don’t worry, we are going to give you some inexpensive ideas that will turn any object in a potential tool of pleasure!
Game of sensations
You can start to heat up the engine through playing with the sensations of your lover, make him or her beg for more! Although you can use flavors and scents to create different reactions, the skin is the largest organ in your body, why not take advantage of it? Increasing its sensitivity will get you ready to feel the experience to the highest level. Have a look inside your closet, I bet you can easily find the following three items.
- Scarf: use it to slowly caress the whole of the body. The sensation it creates depends on the thickness of the skin and the amount of nerves you are touching, use it wisely. Try going from her knees to her pussy and up to her breasts, it will make her shiver with pleasure.
- Feathers: Are you ticklish? Get a smile out of your man! It will make both of you feel comfortable and relaxed.
- Studded belt: Is the previous too soft for you? Give your old punkie belt a second chance. Vary the pressure you apply but be careful if the spikes you are using are likely to damage the skin of your lover, we don't like blood in our sheets!
Get tied up
One of Anna and Christian’s favorite sex practices. How many times has she been tied up and handcuffed before having orgasm after orgasm? Bondage has always been a big one in BDSM and it is definitely worth adding to your bedroom repertoire.
- Tie: Easy, cheap and sexy. Take it off his shirt in the middle of an enticing kiss, swing it around your finger, slide your hands through it and give him a cheeky look. By that point he should have got the hint. Get yourself ready.
- Rope/laces: About to throw those trainers? Keep the laces because they may come in handy soon. Would you like a collar for that pussycat? Go for a sexy shop with your couple to your dollar-store, you will probably find this and much more for a few bucks (in case you are using plastic or rough material remember to watch out for friction burns!).
- Tights: Another piece of clothes you should slide off her with a dirty look and a dirtier purpose. Try tracing wet kisses up and down those legs before tying her hands up.
Turn the lights off
Are you afraid of darkness? Here's the best way to cure it: close your eyes and let the rest of your senses have control of your body.
- Fabric: If the clothes you are wearing are too expensive to be torn off in the heat of the passion, tear an old t-shirt off to get an on-the-go blindfold.
- Sleep mask: Worried about your beauty sleep? Check out our article on 9 surprising health benefits of sex and give that sleeping mask a better use. After what is waiting for you your body will be so relaxed that you won’t need it anymore.
- Hands: challenge her/his self-control and reward accordingly. If you move, Miss Steele, Christian won’t have mercy upon you.
Enjoy smacking their ass
The raw sound of the hit. The touch of his hand against your hot naked skin. The moan of pleasure bursting out your lips… If you aren’t already loving being spanked or the simple act of spanking, you are wasting time!
- Hair brush: Be greedy and enjoy both sides of your hair brush; use the bristles to caress your lover’s skin and the flat part to give that naughty ass what it deserves.
- Slippers: As a kid I was always threatened to be spanked with a slipper if I misbehaved. Who would have said that I was going to enjoy it this much as an adult?
- Belt: Not for the faint of heart. Once you feel comfortable with your spanking technique (and I’m sure you will have loads of practice!) try using a plain belt to get a harder hit,
you will soon see those butt-cheeks
wiggling in surprise and delight.
Thanks to Korean Fashion for photo #1, Shirtskey for photo #2 and Padme Amidala's Journey to the Darkside for photo #3!
Sara is our resident, sexy British-Spanish writer. After finishing high school she followed the family tradition of becoming a teacher, and graduated as a Foreign Language Primary Teacher in 2011. Since then she has been living in the UK, where she copes with the British weather with her loving boyfriend. She is passionate about writing and was awarded various contests in Spain (where she was born) and has also been recognized one of the best writers of her age in her region in 2010. She loves taking her camera out whenever she can, as photography is another of her hobbies. 5 Tips For Young Parents To Have More Sex
Everyone seems to be busy, tired, or both these days. With jobs, families, and social life commitments how does anyone have time for sex? Now just imagine throwing in a few young children into the mix and sex becomes that much more difficult. Nadine Thornhill, sexual health educator, writer, partner and parent can relate and understand to what other suffering parental units are going through. She has come up with 5 ways to keep your sex life thriving because everyone deserves sex on a regular basis.
* * *
You are so into each other! So much so that you’ve made a life together and thrown some little people in the mix for good measure! They’re beautiful, amazing kids who are totally harshing your sex buzz. Been there, done that. Or more accurately: am there, doing that. I certainly haven’t found the secret of living with a young child AND maintaining a rigorous schedule of hot monkey sex. But The Man of Mans and I have managed to be co-parents and sex partners and sometimes we manage to do both on the same day.
Here are 5 strategies that have worked for us and might work for you too.
Just so things are clear:
MoMs- Man of Mans, Nadine's partner and co-parent
Green Bean (or "The Bean")- Nadine's child
#1 Masturbate – it’s okay.
No really. It is! I admit that sometimes I feel a little weird about it. I mean, here I have a perfectly sexypants partner within touching distance and here I am going to town on myself. But here’s my deal. Sometimes libido is about the desire to connect with my husband in an intimate and naked way. But sometimes it’s because my nethers are aflame and about to burst out of my pantaloons! Meanwhile, it’s midnight on a day that started at 5 a.m. and the only propect that excites The MoMs is a big fluffy pillow. Yes I could try to goad him into sleepy, grudging sex, but there are times when it’s easier and ultimately everyone will be happier if I rub one out and hit the sack.
A quick note to sleepy partners everywhere. Sleep is important, so if your body’s asking for it, that’s what you should do. But if you’re up for it, maybe pop open your PJs to expose your lover’s favorite naughty bit before you nod off. A little masturbatory inspiration goes a long way!
#2 Express it. Don’t expect it.
As a working parent, some days get very, very busy and I become very, very overwhelmed. By the time The Bean is tucked away for the night and the last item on my to-do list is crossed off, I barely feel human, let alone like a human with functioning sex parts. By now, The Man of Mans has a keen sense of when “do not enter” vibes are emanating from my vagina. But he says awesome stuff like, “I know you’re not for sex right now and that’s cool. I just want you to know that you give me the feelings.”
I’ve run myself ragged and to the world-at-large I have all the sex appeal of a mop. But a partner who’s still warm for my form and chill about letting me veg out while watching, "So You Think You Can Dance"? That’s hot!
#3 Non-sexual touchingYou know those obnoxious snuggly couples who hold hands all the time and sit on each other’s laps? You need to cut them some slack, jack – especially if they have kids!
Physical contact promotes intimacy, affection, trust and all kinds of positive feelings. Those good feelings help counter some of the less wonderful side-effects of parenting, which may include confusion, guilt, frustration, worry, shock and more frustration. Believe me – that icky, schmoopy cuddly stuff is the glue that's holding my relationship together!
#4 Porn
Sometimes if The MoMs has gone a while without sex, I’ll decide enough is enough! Being a mother and being a sexually viable human being are not mutually exclusive and tonight I’m gonna get me some! But sometimes, even when my mind is willing, my body is weaksauce and I can’t quite jump start my arousal. And yes there’s the whole lovely candles, wine, gentle kisses, blah, blah, romance novel seduction, but The MoMs and I have to get up early and get The Green Bean off to school. Also, I’m clumsy and likely to knock over the candles, thus burning the house down.
Porn is a quick, reliable way to get turned on. Watching my favorite scene from Debbie Does Dallas makes Nadine want the sex now. Not everyone is comfortable with porn, which is cool. But for those parents that don’t oppose the injection of a little erotica, remember that in addition to film, there are novels, short stories, comics and I think you can get porn on the Internet now too.
#5 Lube and toys
Sex toys aren't just for dirty people! Similar to porn, a good slick lube and reliable sex toys are both excellent tools for the busy parent who needs a quick and efficient orgasm. Like many people, I keep my collection of lube and battery-powered sex-ccessories in the nightstand. This makes for easy night time access and quick, convenient clean-up once the deed is done. As the parent of a young child, I only have about 90 seconds before the post-coital sedation renders me unconscious. I don’t want The Green Bean to come in and find my Liv lying around the bedroom the next morning. I’m not ready to field those questions yet.
This is a guest post by Nadine Thornhill. Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.
She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on the Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.
Dispelling 3 Myths of the Sex Toys for Couples
We love sex toys. Sex toys can make a great addition to your couple. But are you afraid of sex toys, or know people who are? Those might say that sex toys shouldn't supplement their partner, or a variety of other excuses. Not true. And while it's #ToyWithMeTuesday and #SexToyTuesday on Twitter (@getlusty) and Google+, we thought now would be a great time to talk about sex toys. Our favorite counseling couple, Chuck and Jo Ann Bird, are here to talk about the biases of the sex toy-loving couple. And why we should keep an open mind about introducing sex toys to the bedroom.
* * *
We love going to Toys R Us and of the toy stores, because the displays are just amazingly vibrant — all the counters and walls are draped with these bright, blazing primary colors with packages designed to capture the eye and hold your attention.
For us, it’s also fun going to couples’ stores where adult toys are sold, because the displays are strikingly the same, awash in primary colors with a few more bright pinks, reds and purples — though the imagery is typically far from family friendly.
We’re enthused that adult toys have become more mainstream, but we also know there are a lot of people out there who are reluctant to consider the use of what used to be called “marital aids” in their bedroom repertoire. Many couples won’t even set foot in an adult video or toy store for fear of what the neighbors might say. Or maybe it's just a feeling that sex toys stores are only used by swingers or people obsessed with sex. Well, having been sexologists for nearly a decade, we have a little news for you — your neighbors have probably already been there, too.
Toys can be a healthy and welcome addition to a couple’s bedroom practices. Though we do understand the reasons why many people haven’t yet ventured behind the curtain to see what’s out there. So, we’ve assembled a few of the reasons we’ve heard over the years, with a slightly more enlightened view to counter them.
#1 Only dirty people use sex toys
There is a sense, you could even call it a mild prudishness that some couples have regarding sex toys. We attribute that to the compressed conflict that is sexuality in America. We use sex to sell cars, beer, website domains (thanks for the cheesecake, GoDaddy!) and even corn chips, but we are reluctant to address our own sexuality with the same openness.
Sex isn’t dirty, unless, of course, thinking of it as dirty is a turn-on for you. The truth is, sex is healthy, fun and downright necessary for a strong, long-term romantic relationship. Being ashamed of enjoying sex is like being ashamed of eating to us. It’s a normal, healthy human activity when performed by consenting adults. So, if sex isn’t dirty, neither are toys used to enhance the sexual experience. If you’ve never gone to an adult toy store, the initial imagery may be a little shocking, but if you go in with an open mind, you might actually find yourself having fun before you know it.
#2 Toys are only for masturbation
Over the years, as the sexual revolution took hold, women became empowered and chose to indulge their desires with or without a partner and stop being ashamed of their own sexuality. The sale and use of vibrators and other toys skyrocketed, and these toys became associated primarily with masturbation. But that is not their only function. In point of fact, many toys are far more effective and fun when they are wielded by a partner.
Now, you don’t really need to be a sexologist to figure that out. A little basic geometry is all you need. When you compare the range of angles a woman can reach using her own arm to the range of motion by a partner who is correctly positioned, it’s clear that a partner can do a lot more with those toys to help a woman receive the full benefit of whatever implements she may have in the toy bag. In fact, many toys on the market today are specifically designed to be used by a partner and are practically useless for masturbation. So, wipe away that old connotation of toys. Some games are most definitely more fun when played by two.
#3 Toys will replace me as a partner
As a tandem of the above concern, some partners are concerned that some toys may deliver sensations and experiences that just cannot be matched by simple human to human interaction, and they fear that the toys will replace them in bed. Granted, there are some toys that are very ingenuitive these days. From swivel-headed vibrators to the Sybian (think of a sit-down vibrator run by an outboard motor) to other greats. We completely understand how they can be a little intimidating to say the least.
There has been many a partner who has had to peel a woman off the ceiling after experiencing some of the more innovative devices on the market. But a toy cannot replace the sexual dynamic that two people can achieve together. The largest and most important sexual organ in the human body is the brain, and no matter the horsepower of the toy involved, they have yet to market anything with the imagination and creativity of the human mind. By joining your partner in the enjoyment of toys, you will be an inextricable part of their sexual lives and your role will be secure as long as you share your hearts and your imaginations together. So don’t be afraid.
Minds work best when they are open. And so do toys, once they are out of the box and in your bedroom.
Want to win a LELO Tiani 2? We're one giving one away by December 1st from SheVibe. 'Like' GetLusty on Facebook to enter!
Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird and are Board Certified Clinical Sexologists and Relationship Counselors. They co-counsel couples together which offers a unique and balanced male/female perspective and a combined therapy/coaching approach to helping their clients with a variety of relationship and sexual issues/concerns. Due to our last name and work they do, they've become known as “The Love Birds”.They have 16 + years of personal experience in a healthy, loving and successful relationship. We know how to solve problems and work through difficulties that couples may face on a daily basis. We know ways to keep relationships strong and healthy. We offer you tools and strategies that can make positive changes in your relationship. Find out more about Chuck. Alternatively, find out more about Jo-Ann. Also, follow them on Twitter and 'Like' them on Facebook.
