Interview! Stefanie Iris Weiss Talks Making Sex Green

Here at GetLusty for Couples, we like to be positive influence on your relationships and sex life, but we're also into the whole "green" movement. What do sex and the environment have to do with each other? Well, if you use condoms, lubricant, or sex toys – then they have a lot to do with each other. The production of these kinds of items can be harsh on Mother Earth. Our Chief Lust Officer, Erica Grigg, talked with Stefanie Iris Weiss, of EcoSex.net, about "green" sex. Also, check out her Eco Sex book on Amazon!

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#1 What are the basics of Eco-Sex?

Eco-Sex is a new way of raising consciousness about sexuality and its connection with the planet we share. In a world where we tend have more intimacy with our smartphones than our partners, the reminder to slow down and reengage with our sensual selves is mandatory. Eco-Sex teaches us that our bodies are sacred, and thus, we should not poison them. In both courtship and beyond, the do-it-yourself (DIY) tools, products, therapies in the Eco-Sex arena are safe, healthy, and good for the planet as well as our bodies. Raising our consciousness can raise our libido, and that's the happy end result of engaging in Eco-Sex.

#2 What got you into Eco-Sex advocacy?

In 2008 I started to realize that even my "greenest" friends were eco-conscious in every way, but not in their sex lives. I'd ask about lube, birth control and sex toys, and they hadn't even thought about what was in them. I realized that because we think of sexuality as something separate from ourselves, these needs were buried, hidden and obscured. It was embarrassing, even for my most progressive friends. I decided I needed to write a book to address that -- to bring two of my favorite topics, sex and sustainability, into the same space. That's how Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable (Crown Publishing/Ten Speed Press, 2010) came to be.

#3 What are your favorite sexy, "green" toys?

I'm obsessed with the mind-blowingly brilliant (and body-safe) toys from Jimmy Jane. All of their toys are gorgeous and free of toxins, and designed in-house by Ethan Imboden -- the man knows what he's doing. I've also been liking the offerings from Lelo lately.

#4 How are you spreading the word about Eco-sex?

I do workshops, talks, radio interviews, blogs and Tweet (I'm a pretty prolific tweeter). I write for Huffington Post (lately, political writing about the war on women and reproductive rights). I can be found online at ecosex.net, and my Twitter handle is @ecosexuality.

#5 For those looking to go "green", what adult retailers do you advocate for?

Big love to Babeland in NYC (and Seattle), Good Vibrations in San Francisco, and Smitten Kitten in the Midwest. Also the ever-lovely (and beautifully dirty) girls of Coco De Mer across the pond.

#7 Does only using eco-friendly products limit how much fun couples can have in the bedroom?

Absolutely not! That's the most beautiful benefit of Eco-Sex – it improves your sex life, heightens your libido, and can bring the spark back to couples whose bedrooms have become bastions of boredom. There's nothing like making organic massage oil together, experimenting with the wonders of coconut oil, tantra, etc.. Use your imagination.

#8 Besides being good to our mother earth, does eco sex have any benefits to our sexual or physical health?

Yes, it just makes you healthier. A big piece of Eco-Sex, and a chapter in the book, is dedicated to healthy eating. Vegan, raw, and sustainable aphrodisiacs bring a whole new dimension to one's sex life, but also helps you avoid obesity, diabetes, heart attacks, etc.. More energy is good for everything in life – not just sex.

More about Stefanie

Stefanie Iris Weiss, MA, is the author of nine books, including her latest title–Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable (Crown Publishing/Ten Speed Press, 2010). Based in NYC, she writes about feminism, sexuality, reproductive rights, sustainability, dating and relationships, and more. Stefanie is a regular contributor to British Elle, and has written for Nerve.com, The Daily Green, Marie Claire, Zink Magazine, and Teen Vogue, to name a few. Her new sex & sustainability column, Above the Sheets, debuted in ABOVE Magazine last fall. Her website is ecosex.net.

Stefanie holds a Master of Arts in English Education from New York University. Since 1998, she has been an adjunct professor in New York City (at Hunter College and Marymount Manhattan College). Stefanie leads writing workshops for both teens and adults. In 2008 she was a mentor for Girls Write Now, an organization that connects professional women writers to teenagers seeking mentorship in writing. Find her on Twitter and subscribe to her on Facebook.

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Best of 2012! Erotic Spanking 101: Positions & Toys (NSFW)

Spanking seems like a lost art to many non-kinksters. More than taboo, it seems like it could be painful or malicious. At GetLusty, we're all about educating so you do it right. Spanking can be really enjoyable. It can also provide a different set of sensations during your sex sessions than you normally don't get. Before doing the more kinky activities, we do recommend you read Jean-Luc Gothos Sexual Negotiation 101 and talk about consent. Always, always, always talk about it before you do it! Let each other know you're curious about doing something different. You know--shaking things up a little.

That being said, you heard from our long-time writer Ellen Dukes about whipping and flogging. Now, how about a more rounded out view on erotic spanking? We think this practice is rather sexy, so GetLusty's Rachel Colias is here to report on why and how you can try this erotic foreplay artfully.

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Have your fantasies ever included being disciplined? Do you become aroused by rough, consensual play? Is the idea of being someone’s submissive partner one you enjoy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, or are excited by the scenarios, you may be interested in exploring erotic spanking! The technical term for being aroused by spanking is spankophilia, and you don’t have to be on the receiving end to enjoy it! Spankophilia also includes becoming aroused by delivering a spanking to other parties.

As simple as spanking sounds, those here at GetLusty for Couples are here to explain how complex it can really be. Between different positions, toys, foreplay, costumes and role play, it can get more complicated than you’d think. But if erotic spanking is something you want to try, or if you want to mix up your spanking routine, I’m sure we can offer you a great selection to choose from!

The possibilities for erotic spanking are so extensive that we’ve decided to split the article up into two parts. This first part outlines different positions and toys that are great for spanking.

While many may assume erotic spanking is a more modern kink, there’s evidence that it actually dates back to around the sixth century b.c. The evidence for this being an image found in an Etruscan burial site depicting an eroticized flagellation, or, flogging. This erotic punishment also permeated quite a bit into Victorian culture and, more specifically, pornography. Of course it’s hard to say where and when it truly started, but it’s hardly outdated! Let’s get started on the basics.

Positions 

What better place to start than the how? It’s easy to assume that most positions include a person being in a bent over position, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be that bland. Here are a few tips on different ways to set up the act: (Remember! You can add ankle, wrist, or body restraints to any of these positions!)

#1 The spanker sits in the middle of a long couch,  while the spankee — person being spanked — lays stomach-down across their lap with their ass positioned directly over the spanker’s crotch. If the spanker happens to be male-bodied, this gives the spankee a wonderfully exciting sensation when he/she/they start(s) to become aroused. This is also a pretty comfortable position for the spankee.

#2 The spankee kneels on a couch or chair, facing backwards, bending over with their hands on the back of the furniture. The spanker stands in front of the couch or chair, facing the spankee’s back. This gives the spanker a pretty dominant position considering they’re practically standing over the spankee and is perfect for dominant/submissive play.

#3 The spankee lies stomach-down on the floor, ass either flat or slightly elevated if you want to tuck a pillow under the spankee’s stomach, while the spanker either stands or kneels above them.

#4 A modification to the previous option, the spankee can also lay stomach-down on a bed, table, or any other flat surface that allows for the spanker to stand over them.

#5 Both the spanker and spankee are standing for this one. The spankee leans slightly forward, hands either flat against a wall or holding on to something like a table or door frame. The spanker stands behind or slightly beside the spankee.

#6 Of course, the classic spankee bent over the spanker’s lap. This is different from the first scenario in that it’s generally performed in a chair where the spankee is entirely bent over, not just lying down. Again, if the spanker is male-bodied there’s an added pleasure bonus for the spankee!

#7 The spankee bends over a table, lying stomach-down on its surface, while the spanker stands behind.

#8 The spankee is bent over the shoulder or the arm of the spanker.

#9 Looking for something a little more serious and expensive? Try purchasing a spanking bench! This apparatus comes in quite a few positional styles and can include rings for restraints.

All of the above-mentioned techniques are suggestions that can easily be modified to fit different scenarios or furniture. If you have any personal favorites I haven’t mentioned, leave them in the comments below!

Toys

But what do we do with all these new, fun situations? Here are a few toys, or spanking tools, you can integrate into the process now that you’ve assumed the position:

#1 In honor of #SexToyTuesday, my first suggestion is Chicago’s Early To Bed Jack Boot Paddle (to the right). Be warned, this paddle is not for beginners or light dabblers. This boot-shaped paddle packs a punch! The boot print is made of rubber and the paddle wood, so there is NO give! When you get spanked, you will definitely feel it!

#2 If the serious-business paddles aren’t really your style, why not try the back of a hairbrush? It’s much smaller and while plastic or wood still stings, it’s easier and cheaper to experiment with. Similarly, you can use a wooden spoon.

#3 Another wooden option would be a cane, which comes in all lengths and girths.

#4 Standard paddle (comes in materials such as soft leather, rubber, or wood and can even be found with feathers or a soft material cover for a lighter sensation).

#5 Riding crop, which is long and generally comes with a handle on one end and small, flat spanking surface on the other. These are effective in causing quick, sharp and stinging sensations.

#6 The classic hand. While pretty standard and totally free, there is definitely a variety of techniques that can be used. These include flat hand with fingers spread, cupped hand, hard open palm, an immediate spank-and-grope, and basically anything else you can think of!

#7 Although this isn’t necessarily “spanking,” flogs and whips are also great for delivering a backside-beating.

As always, feel free to comment about your own favorite toys!

This article was written by Rachel Colias. She’s currently getting her bachelors in English and Women’s and Gender studies and feels especially passionate about advocating for the importance of consent and communication. 

Her hobbies include shopping for new vibrators playing roller derby, and getting tattoos her mom doesn’t approve of. When she’s not writing for GetLusty or doing homework, she’s playing with her bearded dragon Terrance and you can generally find her reading comic books with her loving boyfriend of six years or eating pizza and watching Netflix. You can find and follow her Tumblr blog here! Also connect with her at editorial@getlusty.com.

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4 Ways to Get Him to Love Your Sex Toy

Do you have to hide your sex toys from your partner? Sneak a solo session in with your vibrating friends after he's fallen asleep? Shame on you! Guys love toys too, so let him play! But maybe he's uncomfortable with that 12 inch dildo hiding in the corner of your closet. Men can be incredibly insecure when it comes to competing phalluses. All you have to do is remind him that they're just toys, and he loves toys. Lynn Olejniczak is here to help you with developing a relationship between your toys and your man.

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Most of us have one, or maybe two. Generally they are tucked away in a drawer, or the closet, usually in the original packaging. When we use it, it is often when we are alone, or discretely after the night is over and he has fallen asleep. It does its job; we clean it, and then put it away again. Our husbands know we have it, they just don’t ask. What they don’t see, they don’t have to confront.

What's wrong with a sex toy, anyway?

What is the issue with a vibrator? Some husbands don’t have an issue. They eagerly join in the fun by watching or using it on their wife. There is an open dialogue about toys and may even enjoy purchasing them for her use, or even their own. While this is terrific, it doesn’t always happen. Or it doesn’t happen without a conversation – sometimes an uncomfortable one.

See, for all their bravado men can be pretty insecure. This is where "the wall" comes up regarding toys. Let’s face it, toys don’t get tired. Toys can vibrate faster, are more direct than a human finger, and have more force than the tongue. They don’t change the rhythm because of a cramp, nor do they interrupt the moment to ask you if it feels good. All-in-all, toys are pretty freakin’ awesome. They would be even more awesome if your hubby was involved.

So, how do you approach the subject without running right into that wall? Answer: Gently.

#1 Assure him

Your husband knows the benefit of mechanics, he’s a guy! But the last thing he wants is to be replaced by a machine. He won’t admit it but that's what he's thinking when he hears the word “vibrator”.  What you need to say to him is, “Honey, my Nea is terrific but it would be even better if you would use it on me. Please?” And while he may look like a deer in headlights, that is the moment you show him what it is and better yet, show him how it works.

#2 Start small

Getting your husband into using toys on you may be easier if you start out slow, and small. Bullets, mini massagers, finger tinglers – all are small and powerful. There is nothing intimidating about them and you can buy them in pink for Pete’s sake. Once he sees this tiny device, he may feel more comfortable with the whole idea. Show them how to turn it on, adjust speeds and vibrations. The guy in him will kick in and want to figure out how it works, and how it works best. Show him where to position it, if you even have to. Chances are he will want to see for himself. If he is moving about too much or changing speeds too often, gently show him where it feels best. Move his hand, or tilt your hips to help him out, just as you did the first time he went down on you. He'll get it.

#3 Move up when you're both ready

If you happen to have something larger and more complex like a studded, flexible dildo or a Triple Rabbit, you may want to hold off on showing him those if you think he may be uncomfortable. Get him used to the idea of something inside of you besides him by purchasing a dildo, and using it in conjunction with a small vibrator. Buy something made of glass or acrylic so it doesn’t appear too real or intimidating. You can even get a dildo with a removable vibrator for when you want to take him to the next level.

Just as you would want to be treated with respect and understanding if he wanted to do something new in the bedroom that you might not be comfortable with, go into this conversation with the same loving respect for his feelings. Many men are creatures of habit. They'll wonder if they are “enough” if you enjoy using toys to compliment your sexual session.

#4 Engage him

Let your partner know it is them you are in love with, not your Rabbit. Try not to play the, you-masturbate-too-card because he will say he doesn’t use an artificial vagina and then the conversation will just go downhill. Rather, if more explanation is necessary compare it to another position for you two to enjoy. Let him know it turns you on when he watches you enjoy yourself. It is probably turning him on too, he just has to get used to it.

But once he does; congratulations! You will be able to throw away the box it came in, and use that cute little satin bag. Finally!

Lynn Olejniczak is a native Chicagoan who loves her city and everything it has to offer. She spent 10 years as a NASDAQ trader in  Chicago and New York in the 90's, then went back to college when "the rules changed and I realized no one was going to pay me lots of money to swear at them anymore."

She loves good food, and a perfectly poured Guinness at any Irish pub in the city. Her Beastie Boys CDs rest comfortably next to her Misfits vinyl, and she believes Underground Garage is the best radio program known to humankind. Armed with degrees in History, and a love of Urban Planning, Lynn is currently writing and researching a book on the 80's Chicago bar scene. Get in touch with Lynn at editorial@getlusty.com.

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Traveling with Sex Toys this Holiday Season?

Have you ever traveled with your sex toys and carried them aboard an airplane? With tightened airport security, more and more people are getting pulled out of line and searched. But should this restrict your vacation of sexual adventures? Eric Amaranth, sex coach extraordinaire, believes in adding novelty in your bedroom or hotel room. Eric is here with a humorous tale about his travel misadventures with his sex toys!

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My girlfriend and I went to a wedding this past weekend and decided to bring four of our favorite sex toys with us. Two were vibrators shaped innocuously, one was a dildo with an obvious phallic shape, and the fourth was a glass design that defies brief description. Which is why it’s pictured at right. Read on for the humor and adventure.

We left from Newark International Airport, then made our way through security manned and womaned, as always, by the intrepid TSA officers. All the toys were packed in my luggage. The officer at the viewing screen stopped the line and brought other officers over to get their opinions. I watched with a straight face while my girlfriend giggled quietly after having made it through their scrutiny. Suddenly the principle viewing agent said words to the effect of, “I don’t believe this. Bag check!”

I smiled inside, but kept a disinterested look on my face. They asked me whose bag it was and I raised my hand. They first ran the diagnostic wipes over the handles and inside surfaces, then fed them into a machine. Nothing went off. Next step was the visual exam.

The male officer rifled through my clothes. The toys were at the bottom of the suitcase. He stopped and stared for half a second, then put my things back on top and gestured with his thumb that I could be on my way. My girlfriend was laughing harder by the time I joined her, but quietly. Oh yes, the officer had gloves on throughout the check.

The second run-in was in the return at a southern city’s small airport. Once again, I took the toys in my bag. Said bag went through the x-ray machine and again, the line was stopped. A middle aged woman with vintage spectacles peered at the screen for much a few seconds, I’d estimate four. She didn’t call for viewing assistance, but did request a bag check and said out loud to the officer snapping on nitrile gloves, “It looks like an art piece!”

My girlfriend had once again already made it through and I looked over at her with her hand on her mouth covering up the giggles. The TSA guy ID’ed me as the owner of the bag and did the wipe down, as before, then asked me where the object was that they were concerned about.

I figured it was the glass toy, because the other three would not lend themselves to an art piece characterization. The phallus… the most obvious attention-grabber, never entered the discussion. The agent brought out the figure as seen above, reached over for a collection pan that you’d put jewelry and loose change in, then walked off with my art piece. They asked me what it was. I said art piece, which is technically true.

I heard my girlfriend choking back her guffaws. She’d lost it. I kept my poker face on and waited. They brought it back after a minute, I took it, and they said I was free to travel. Put it back in, got my things, put my belt and shoes back on, and joined my girlfriend.

She laughed about that for the next three minutes. I smiled big and wondered why they were afraid of my toy and realized the spiral going up the “shaft” may have looked like a wire. Anyway, the moral of the story is to keep a straight face, know you have a right to your hot sex toys in your bag, and enjoy the trip because many people’s best sex is on vacations due to the privacy and change of scenery.

Cross posted with permission from Eric Amaranth's blog here.

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach, working in NYC and globally via video conference, who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Individuals and couples are guided toward the relationship, intimacy, and sexual enjoyment goals they desire most.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by the combination of loving relationship skills with breathtaking sexual skills. Follow him on Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.

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10 Ways Sex Changes After Kids

At Get Lusty for Couples, we care about all couples and that's why we wanted to bring up the topic of couples with children. We know it can be a tough process to try and raise a family and keep a spicy love life going. However, it is possible and can even change and grow your love life in unexpected ways! A pat on the back to all the parents out there, but don't forget to spread the love with your significant other every chance you get. Eileen Prouffe, a loving wife and mom of three, will talk about the good and the bad of how to keep a lusty relationship going as parents. 

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It's no secret that it can be hard to maintain and nurture a happy and healthy sex life, but add children to the mix and things can get even harder. So below are ten ways sex changes after having children--the good, the bad, and even ways you can get better! Read on.

#1 Finding a place to "do it"

It's hard to be intimate when children are around all the time, but don't be afraid to show love in front of them. It's healthy for children to see their parents happy and in love. If you really are in the mood to get down and dirty then move the kids bedtime a little earlier so you can have more time alone. Don't forget; a happy couple equals a happy family.

#2 Having energy to "do it" 

Sometimes when couples are juggling so much like work, household chores, bills, etc. Having enough energy to perform more physical movements can be difficult, but not impossible. Try to make sure you are both getting enough rest every day and also try turning off the t.v. earlier so you can enjoy each other instead of other people. Give that person by your side most of your attention; they deserve it and so do you.

#3  Negative body image

Pregnancy, stress and weight gain can lead couples to feel less sexy about their bodies which may cause each other to feel a little embarrassed about getting naked and having a passionate moment.  There are two solutions to this problem, and one of them is to get over it (get naked and feel good about it) and just have a good time. It is Naked November after all. More often than not, your partner is not obsessing over your imperfections. If they love you, then they will accept you for who are and who you have become.  Secondly, if body image really is an issue or your partner could lose a few pounds for health reasons, then get your groove on in the bedroom and burn some calories together.

#4 Time factors

Some couples really do want to spend more time together, but really aren't able to due to conflicting work schedules, school or extra curricular activities. This is where couples need to decide what is most important. Some couples look for new jobs with better work hours so they can have time for their loved ones, but that's not always an option. Sometimes it's better for a partner to drop one or two of their activities, or at least invite their partner to join them. This way, they can have a romantic time while doing it. For example, some couples may play a sport together like basketball and they make the effort to fondle each other during the game.  Dating your significant other is essential and definitely improves your relationship.

#5 Loss of interest

Over time, couples can lose interest in each other and get tired of the same old routine.  This is why if couples want to keep their love alive, they need to make the effort!  Relationships and love lives take time and commitment and each of you need to be willing to give a little. Even food can get boring and bland, but if you add a little spice or different flavorings, then it can make a huge difference. Don't do the same thing every time.  Blow job today, doggy-style tomorrow.

It's not all doom and gloom when couples have kids in fact, it can bring them together even more.

#6 Take a break

It's not a bad thing to take a break from your children.  After all, it might help everyone if mom and dad are happy. To add a little more excitement, get a baby sitter and take a getaway.  Check out living social for a weekend getaway that's close by or even sign up for their getaway deals.  Places don't need to be fancy to spark up the love.  A relaxing and private place will work.

#7 Bigger bond

Sometimes people are less open when they are a newer couple or haven't been through many experiences, but having a child and going through it all can cause many couples to open up even more. Women's breast enlarge and that can be a huge turn on for some men and sometimes the love increases because having a child can be a bonding experience. We all feel closer to people when we've been through exciting or memorable experiences with them. Use this bond to improve your sexual relationship!

#8 Opposite effect

While some people may have a dwindling sex life after kids, others may be fully aware of what could happen to their sex life and actually become the opposite. They may realize that it's possible for their partner to become uninterested or bored so, some people begin to whip out the lingerie or the partner starts investing in sexier clothing for their significant other, sex toys or (well-done) porn and the sparks just start flying. Don't be afraid to go for it.


#9 Relax  


The more a person gets to know another person the more they might feel comfortable, and if they see their partner is not comfortable they might offer a massage to get that person into the right state of mind. Knowing what another person needs is an important way to help them get into the state of mind they need to be in order to want to have sex. Draw up a relaxing bath with candles and wine or  make dinner to take a load off the other person. Sometimes it's the little things that matter.  People who have been together for a while usually get this and if they don't, now they can.

#10 Get creative

Let's face it; it's not always easy to have an awesome sex life with children in the house. So some couples have to just get creative and "do it" in the bathroom and lock the door (we have 13 ideas for spots in your apartment to have sex, too!). While this may seem goofy and uncomfortable, it can be pretty amazing having a mirror available or even a shower to jump into together. However it works out doesn't really matter as long as it does work and everyone is happy and satisfied. 

Everyone will not have a perfect sex life, but everyone can have a better one.  If you're willing to invest a little time to do so, it can improve. Children don't have to pull the plug on your love life and you shouldn't let it.  Take action and find the time to take care of business.

Eileen Prouffe is a new GetLusty writer, but has over ten years as a working mom and trying to keep her love alive. If she's not having fun with her three kids, she's staring into the eyes of her loving husband. She looks forward to sharing her ideas, tips and knowledge with everyone to help improve relationships and put an end to dull sex lives. Get in touch with Eileen at eileen@getlusty.com. 

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Dildo 101: The History of the Phallus

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5 Tips For Young Parents To Have More Sex

Everyone seems to be busy, tired, or both these days. With jobs, families, and social life commitments how does anyone have time for sex? Now just imagine throwing in a few young children into the mix and sex becomes that much more difficult. Nadine Thornhill, sexual health educator, writer, partner and parent can relate and understand to what other suffering parental units are going through. She has come up with 5 ways to keep your sex life thriving because everyone deserves sex on a regular basis.

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You are so into each other! So much so that you’ve made a life together and thrown some little people in the mix for good measure! They’re beautiful, amazing kids who are totally harshing your sex buzz. Been there, done that. Or more accurately: am there, doing that. I certainly haven’t found the secret of living with a young child AND maintaining a rigorous schedule of hot monkey sex. But The Man of Mans and I have managed to be co-parents and sex partners and sometimes we manage to do both on the same day.

Here are 5 strategies that have worked for us and might work for you too.

Just so things are clear:

MoMs- Man of Mans, Nadine's partner and co-parent

Green Bean (or "The Bean")- Nadine's child

#1 Masturbate – it’s okay.

No really. It is! I admit that sometimes I feel a little weird about it. I mean, here I have a perfectly sexypants partner within touching distance and here I am going to town on myself. But here’s my deal. Sometimes libido is about the desire to connect with my husband in an intimate and naked way. But sometimes it’s because my nethers are aflame and about to burst out of my pantaloons! Meanwhile, it’s midnight on a day that started at 5 a.m. and the only propect that excites The MoMs is a big fluffy pillow. Yes I could try to goad him into sleepy, grudging sex, but there are times when it’s easier and ultimately everyone will be happier if I rub one out and hit the sack.

A quick note to sleepy partners everywhere. Sleep is important, so if your body’s asking for it, that’s what you should do. But if you’re up for it, maybe pop open your PJs to expose your lover’s favorite naughty bit before you nod off. A little masturbatory inspiration goes a long way!

#2 Express it. Don’t expect it.

As a working parent, some days get very, very busy and I become very, very overwhelmed. By the time The Bean is tucked away for the night and the last item on my to-do list is crossed off, I barely feel human, let alone like a human with functioning sex parts. By now, The Man of Mans has a keen sense of when “do not enter” vibes are emanating from my vagina. But he says awesome stuff like, “I know you’re not for sex right now and that’s cool. I just want you to know that you give me the feelings.”

I’ve run myself ragged and to the world-at-large I have all the sex appeal of a mop. But a partner who’s still warm for my form and chill about letting me veg out while watching, "So You Think You Can Dance"? That’s hot!

#3 Non-sexual touching

You know those obnoxious snuggly couples who hold hands all the time and sit on each other’s laps? You need to cut them some slack, jack – especially if they have kids!

Physical contact promotes intimacy, affection, trust and all kinds of positive feelings. Those good feelings help counter some of the less wonderful side-effects of parenting, which may include confusion, guilt, frustration, worry, shock and more frustration. Believe me – that icky, schmoopy cuddly stuff is the glue that's holding my relationship together!

#4 Porn

Sometimes if The MoMs has gone a while without sex, I’ll decide enough is enough! Being a mother and being a sexually viable human being are not mutually exclusive and tonight I’m gonna get me some! But sometimes, even when my mind is willing, my body is weaksauce and I can’t quite jump start my arousal. And yes there’s the whole lovely candles, wine, gentle kisses, blah, blah, romance novel seduction, but The MoMs and I have to get up early and get The Green Bean off to school. Also, I’m clumsy and likely to knock over the candles, thus burning the house down.

Porn is a quick, reliable way to get turned on. Watching my favorite scene from Debbie Does Dallas makes Nadine want the sex now. Not everyone is comfortable with porn, which is cool. But for those parents that don’t oppose the injection of a little erotica, remember that in addition to film, there are novels, short stories, comics and I think you can get porn on the Internet now too.

#5 Lube and toys

Sex toys aren't just for dirty people! Similar to porn, a good slick lube and reliable sex toys are both excellent tools for the busy parent who needs a quick and efficient orgasm. Like many people, I keep my collection of lube and battery-powered sex-ccessories in the nightstand. This makes for easy night time access and quick, convenient clean-up once the deed is done. As the parent of a young child, I only have about 90 seconds before the post-coital sedation renders me unconscious. I don’t want The Green Bean to come in and find my Liv lying around the bedroom the next morning. I’m not ready to field those questions yet.



This is a guest post by Nadine Thornhill. Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.

She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on the Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.

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1 Day Left! Win a LELO Tiani™ 2 From SheVibe!

Dear readers,

We love sex toys, as you may have seen. Since it's Thanksgiving week and nearly Christmas, what better time to enjoy sex toys? We thought so, too! Just in time for #SexToyTuesday and #ToyWithMeTuesday.

Why we love SheVibe? Let us count the ways...

#1 Their name. SheVibe? Yes, please!

#2 Their great customer feedback. For example, check out this customers' review, "Sandra, you've been absolutely awesome! I've bought intimate items locally and from several different companies online. I've NEVER had the customer service like you've provided. I will definitely be a return customer!! :) Thank you so much for all for your help." -- T.L.

#3 SheVibe has made the commitment to add only body safe products to the site going forward. This means premium silicone and premium materials only. Above all, they encourage customers to vibe responsibly! According to SheVibe, sex is a healthy expression of life so make it fun and always play safe.

Why is LELO Tiani™ 2 the ultimate couples sex toy?

Let's start off with LELO; it's an awesome sex toy company! They make high quality, well designed sex toys and accessories. The world’s leading designer brand for intimate lifestyle products, LELO was launched in 2003. According to LELO, the company has been famous for transforming the look, feel and function of how personal massagers are perceived, bringing a new level of luxury to products of this kind.

Now about the sex toy itself. The Tiani™ 2 Design Edition is the upgraded version of the Red Dot award-winning couples’ massager, designed for women to wear when making love. LELO’s unique SenseMotion™ technology allows users to control sensations during lovemaking through movements of a remote; while all-new enhancements including the 50% more powerful motor and 3X greater wireless range increase possibilities still further.

Fully waterproof for easy cleaning or use in the bath or shower, Tiani™ 2 can now be controlled with or without the remote and comes with a new full-feeling attachment that offers extra-targeted pleasures, bringing increased stimulation and total control to even the most adventurous positions.

How to use it? More details, including a YouTube video tutorial, here

• For couples, use it while making love (he or you can have the remote to amp the fun factor as the signal travels up to 48 feet)
• Use it as a vibrator for masturbation (without penetration)
• Use it for nipple stimulation

Please enter to win! Like GetLusty on Facebook today! We're also on Twitter! Like @GetLusty there.

With love,
Erica Grigg
Chief Lust Officer and co-founder, GetLusty for Couples

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Cunnilingus 201: Up the Ante with G-Spot Orgasms (NSFW)

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Black Friday: 4 Reasons to Buy Sex Toys Instead

Though it's Thanksgiving, I'm sure you're already thinking about Black Friday. It's the time of year where we Americans get out there and shop until we drop. It's rather crazy across the country; where shoppers have been known to trample across stores. But sex toy shops--online and off--aren't known for being packed-to-the-brim with fellow shoppers. Not only that, but do you really need (want) a newer television? Or would you like to try a different orgasm this Christmas? At GetLusty, we'd say try the new orgasm. For this and more, check out GetLusty's Traci Saiz on several more reasons to go sex toy shopping this Black Friday. In Chicago? Get your free vibrator this Black Friday.

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Without ado, the reasons why you should buy sex toys instead (or at least in addition) this Black Friday.

#1 Variety! Let’s mix it up!

Introducing toys into the bedroom can be fun, sexy, and exciting! Toys can enhance your arousal and your performance. Using a vibrator in just the right spot will get any woman ready to go. The same goes for men, grab a vibrator and use it on him for some effortlessly hot foreplay. Go to your nearest sex shop and see just how fun it can be. Toys are a great way to mix it up and add some variety. Talk about foreplay; tease her, tease him, get things hot and steamy with a little extra help. Buy a toy or two and stay in all weekend. Explore something new, surprise your partner, and seize the moment. So grab a toy and get to it!

The seasons are changing so why not get ready for the long cold winter by heating things up at home. Sex toys are great to add a little something extra. Not feeling it or too tired? Grab your toy, instant turn on for you both. Engage or watch! Sex toys are great for those times when one partner “wants to” and the other partner just isn’t in the mood. It allows the partner who feels like sexual pleasure the option of having it while adding the aid of a sex toy to the mix.

#2 Curious? So are we!

You’ve wanted to try something new but are hesitant and not sure where to start. Well now is your chance. Grab that special someone and hit the nearest sex shop! There are tons of different toys to choose from; cock rings, dildos, nipple clamps, whips, you name it, and they’ve got it. Anything you can think of to just try out, why not? You never know just how much fun you could have. Toys are much more than just the bachelor/bachelorette novelty gift. Vibrators and dildos don’t have to be big and scary, many are small and discreet.

Cock rings are fun for both parties! Just have your man slip one on and you both can enjoy the extra pleasure. A strap-on can open a new door for both of you---new sensations as well as a new role to play. Not sure how? Check out our 10 steps to awesome pegging. Let’s not forget one of my favorites—vibrating panties! Sure, they’re not your “typical” toy, but they are definitely a lot of fun! Feeling frisky and know you are going to be out on the town? Slip into these sexy buzz operated beauties and hand the remote over to your partner. They get to control how much and when you get that little extra buzz going. Talk about foreplay! This is an instant turn on for both of you and brings out your exhibitionist side. You will both enjoy the secret kink while going about your day or night.

Ladies, feel free to ask for a vibrator in that toy shop (do you have a Hitachi yet!?). When you get a yearning for some hanky panky give it a try. Be sure to text your partner so they can also enjoy your secret pleasure. The thought of using your little friend will get them riled up and you will both be ready for some action when you get home. Better yet, ask if your partner has a certain curiosity they would like to explore. There are anal kits and lubes, for example, that will help ease you and your partner into trying something a little more adventurous than the simple missionary position. (But if you want to make missionary mind blowing, you can always do that, too!)

#3 You really benefit

Bringing toys into the bedroom (or wherever you choose to get it on) will also enhance your health and communication while you’re at it. Yes, sex and those lovely toys are great for your body. Sex toys promote good health through all those amazing orgasms you will have.

Orgasms release stress and tension, and those endorphins are sure to put you in the best of moods. Having orgasms are healthy and fun! Have fun, get kinky and adventurous. Go ahead! Let those endorphins do the rest.

#4 Talk more about what you want

When was the last time you talked about what you really wanted in bed? Buying sex toys together can be a wonderful experience. It's not just for 'dirty' couples and won't replace your partner.

Shopping for a toy together allows you to be more open and start a conversation about what turns you both on. What better way to have sex than to do it no-holds bar! Communicate what you your interests are. Pick up a toy you’ve wanted to try, or one that just seems appealing. Toys can be the gateway to fulfilling all of each other’s fantasies!

We hope whatever you do that you'll have a fabulous time this Thanksgiving. Remember, we have plenty of ideas on making this Thanksgiving less stressful and more loving. And even cute ideas on how to make Thanksgiving a little sexier!

Speaking of sex toys... Help end boring sex and enter to win a LELO Tiani 2 courtesy of SheVibe. What do you need to do? Just 'Like' GetLusty on Facebook by December 1st! Have you followed us on Twitter yet? We're @getlusty there. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, too!

Traci Saiz is a Southern California native but a Chicago girl at heart. She has a B.A. in Marketing and mentors on the side. She is a sports fanatic, a fun-seeking traveler, and passionate in nature especially when it comes to sex. She believes sex is a key element in a relationship and it doesn’t have to be “movie” sex but it has to be fun! She is not afraid to bare her dirty secrets (actually she doesn’t seem to have any). This gal is definitely not shy and loves to discuss relationships and sex with anyone and everyone! Follow Traci on twitter @TraciAlaina or find her on Pinterest.

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Chicago! Pick Up Your Free Trojan Vibrator on Black Friday

We love sex toys. It's #ToyWithMeTuesday, so we're thinking about sex toys especially today! Then, we just got word from Trojan they're giving away free vibrators. Oh, my!

According to the RedEye Chicago, "Anyone willing to stand in line at the Original Mother's this Friday from 12 to 4 p.m. can receive a free Trojan vibrator, courtesy of Trojan. There will be a 'Pleasure Cart' set up near Mother's, looking like a food truck but very much not a food truck."

What kind of vibrators are they giving away? The Trojan Tri-Phoria or Pulse, both of which retail at around $40. Trojan is also giving away thousands more pleasure pieces and have already sent the campaign to New York City and Washington DC. Curious about the toys? Check out their profiles below!

More on the Tri-Phoria 'intimate massager'

According to their website: There’s so much the Tri·Phoria™ Intimate Massager can do…and that gives you a multitude of options! The three tips imitate your favorite sensations—firm pressure, tongue-like flickering and gentle focused stimulation.

Tri·Phoria™ Intimate Massager boasts 8 settings—5 speeds and 3 pulse patterns. This unparalleled combination provides seemingly endless options for your senses. Change it up or find a favorite you can rely on.

More on the Pulse 'intimate massager'

Pulse Intimate Massager puts pleasure right where you want it. It can deliver an intense, focused external stimulation, which may be particularly good for women who enjoy clitoral stimulation.

So GetLusty readers--get downtown and your free vibrator. Wondering where? Check out the location (the Original Mothers) on Google Maps below.

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A Brief History of the Vibrator

We kinda love history. From the history of burlesque to dildos, we're a fan of understand the past and how it effects us today. Ever wonder how you lil' buddy came into being? We have already covered the history of the dildo, blow job, and Burlesque. Now it's time to discover where the vibrator came from! Dr. Jenn, (also known as Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD) gives us a quick and witty history of how this wonderful toy, or necessity, became a reality.

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Imagine it is 1880 and you are a London housewife. You are unsatisfied with your life, easily irritable, depressed and experiencing insomnia, so you seek a doctor for assistance. If you can afford Dr. Robert Dalrymple and his protégée Dr. Mortimer Granville, you would be diagnosed with “hysteria.” This was considered a plague of their time, a “disabling condition” for at least half the women of London. The cause of this plague? An “overactive uterus.” Here’s the best part: The treatment for hysteria was…(wait for it)…having your clitoris manually stimulated by your doctor until orgasm. I’m serious. This was a medical treatment to address the nervous system and help put a woman’s uterus back in order.

Luckily for Dr. Granville, the eager Dr. Dalrymple happened to have a friend and benefactor who was also a Lord of London and eccentric inventor. His latest invention was a steam-powered generator attached to a feather duster to ease the strains of housework. However, they saw the potential to extend this technology to ease the strains of Granville’s handiwork. The result? Multiple “paroxysms” in a quarter of the time. The marketability of this as a home product for the relaxation and health of women led to the invention of the portable home “massager,” the precursor to our favorite vibrators today.

I’ve known about the origins of the modern vibrator for many years, but "Hysteria" helped fill some confusing gaps for me. For example, how was it possible that the doctors didn’t know they were sexually pleasuring their female patients? How did they not know they were inducing an orgasm? Also, wasn’t this type of touching considered very personal and embarrassing? At the time, it was believed that women only experienced sexual pleasure through penetration of a penis. The doctors believed they were triggering a paroxysm which was understood to be a necessary outburst and release of emotion. And as depicted in the movie "Hysteria," the doctors provided their vulva massage to each patient behind a red velvet curtain, draped at the woman’s waist, to maintain modesty.

The history of the vibrator is confusing and truly ridiculous by today’s understanding of sexuality. Despite dabbling in serious topics, Hysteria takes a romantic comedy approach that is entertaining and accessible, but certainly not earth shattering. I recommend it as a worthy rental to tickle your sexual funny bone. And what movie about vibrators wouldn’t have a happy ending?

Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sociologist, sexuality speaker, and sex therapist, with a passion for challenging people to sexually think outside the box. Dr. Jenn is a public speaker on topics including healthy relationships, love, gender, mindfulness, erotic play, and happiness. She counsels individuals and couples, in person and over Skype, to assist in creating and maintaining open communication and fulfilling intimacy. Dr. Jenn is a contributing writer for Pacific San Diego Magazine and is a sex and relationship expert on Fox 5 news and San Diego Living. Follow her on Twitter @DrJennsDen and Facebook.

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