10 Reasons Not To Give Up On Sex After Menopause

Healthy sex lives aren't just for young couples. Menopause is inevitable for us ladies. And we always think that you should never give up on your sexuality, including after menopause! While there are many changes, there are also many ways to embrace your age and realize that sex is not over. Beyond reaching hot cougar status, menopause can be an exciting new experience in our lives. GetLusty's Lynn Olejniczak provides 10 reasons why you shouldn't worry.

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It’s going to happen. Someday the woman you are, or the woman you love will go through menopause. The good news is, this isn’t Logan’s Run. (You are old enough to know what Logan’s Run is, right?) And the better news is that sex can be better after the change of life. You are probably wondering how that can be. 

#1 No more periods

Hurray! No more periods! Think of all the money you'll be saving by not buying feminine hygiene products, you can put those funds towards a monthly sex store trip. OK, you will probably need a moment or two of mourning for the loss of your period. Go ahead. We will wait... Hurray! No periods!

#2 No more baby worries

No periods = no babies. You are free to frolic any week or day of the month that you like. This also means no more birth control; no pills, no IUD, no diaphragm, no sponge, no spermicide. Though you still have to consider STDs and even more STDs like every other couple, you don't have to worry about that little thing called pregnancy.

#3 There's a pill for that

Some doctors may prescribe short-term estrogen therapy to ease the discomfort associated with menopause. This “easing” of the emotional roller coaster associated with menopause can help maintain the sex drive for a while. The use of testosterone is now being examined to not only ease that emotional ride but has a side effect of boosting the sex drive.

#4 Past, present, and future

Chances are if you enjoyed an active libido before menopause, it probably won’t change that much after. We aren’t saying it won’t change at all. But so many factors related to a woman’s sexuality are psychological. In short, if you are in a good place, you will stay there.

#5 Get more intimate

Not feeling frisky? How about some good ol' fashioned intimacy, a more sensual sex session? Alternatively, maybe a loving, sensual massage? Menopause may increase the desire for a different kind of intimacy: longer morning cuddles, more foreplay, flirting, touching, PDA’s may become the happy little keys on your chain. Go ahead, jingle them.

#6 Get your lube on!

The hard truth is, menopausal women will experience some vaginal dryness. As you've heard from one of our favorite sexologists, Megan Stubbs before, "wetter is better." Lubricants are the sure fire way to relieve this issue. If you have never had to use a lubricant in the past, don’t be afraid to now. Today’s water-based lubes have come a long way from sticky gels. Aside from providing the needed moisture, they enhance the experience, and make it more comfortable. So you can still have marathon sex, as long as no one’s back gives out. For more information on lube, feel free to check out our Lube 101 article!

#7 Free to be

Nothing will make one reassess their body image like menopause. Changes are happening, you cannot deny that. Obviously, a proper diet and frequent exercise are important, but accepting certain changes and being happy with who you are goes a long way. When you are happy with who you are, you will be happy before and after menopause. Enjoy your body; and get naked more often! After all, you should love your naked body.

#8 Reaching the peak

Dryness, thinning of vaginal walls and hormone changes are all contributing factors to a change in sexual pleasure. Even though nightly multiple orgasms are replaced by nightly attempts at orgasm, do not despair. Look at this as an opportunity to try new things! Toys that stimulate the clitoris, positions, and oral sex (including cunnilingus) can be lovely ways to vary the experience.

#9 You are wise; aged like a fine wine

Simply put: you know what you want. The beauty of a woman of a certain age is that she has learned what she wants. Women don’t hit their sexual peak at 18, they grow with every experience. Menopause isn’t a surprise, but having the confidence to meet it head on can be empowering. Both in bed and out.

#10 Change brings you closer together

Unless you are Demi Moore or Hugh Hefner, the odds are that your partner is of the same generation. If you're going through menopause, your partner will be experiencing their own performance changes. By showing understanding and patience as your sexuality matures you are only strengthening the relationship as you enter this phase. Being able to navigate this new road with someone who knows your body can provide priceless comfort.

Women are sexual, even after menopause comes knocking. Hello? Have you seen what Sophia Loren looks like these days? There is no reason not to continue being sexual. Embracing this next level of experience; its ups, its downs, its hots, its colds, adds another level to life. A life of many levels is a life well lived.

Lynn Olejniczak is a native Chicagoan who loves her city and everything it has to offer. She spent 10 years as a NASDAQ trader in Chicago and New York in the 90's, then went back to college when "the rules changed and I realized no one was going to pay me lots of money to swear at them anymore."

She loves good food, and a perfectly poured Guinness at any Irish pub in the city. Her Beastie Boys CD's rest comfortably next to her Misfits vinyl, and she believes Underground Garage is the best radio program known to humankind. Armed with degrees in History, and a love of Urban Planning, Lynn is currently writing and researching a book on the 80's Chicago bar scene. Get in touch with Lynn at editorial@getlusty.com.

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10 Female Erogenous Zones You Should Know

Do you want to know where you can touch a woman to make her go absolutely nuts? We have gone over men's 10 surprising erogenous zones, but now it's time to dive into what makes women get those goosebumps and butterflies. Do you want to know where to touch your partner to turn her on? Here are the top 10 female erogenous zones! Whether you're using these as part of foreplay or just passing by during 'everyday life' these touches will most definitely inspire turn on's. GetLusty's Lora Swarts reports.

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Erogenous zones are those places on the human body that are hyper sensitive and when stimulated may result in mild to intense sexual arousal. For females the obvious erogenous zones are the vulva and clitoris. But what about on the places of her body that aren't related to her genitals? Women can get aroused through lots of body parts, not just the ones below the belt. Here are 10 zones you may have overlooked that need some extra caressing tonight! When stimulating erogenous zones during foreplay, your arousal levels spike leading to amazing orgasms. Want to add even more spice? Blindfold her so she can't see where you're touching, massaging, and pleasuring.

#10 Back of knees

Whoever gets the back of their knees touched? Unexpected and surprising touches to forgotten areas of the body can really rev up her arousal levels. Lightly kiss the back of her knees or gently lick them. There are surprisingly a lot of nerve endings back there so be gentle and let her revel in the erotic sensations.

#9 Abs/stomach  

When it comes to our stomachs, women can have many insecurities. So when targeting this area of her body, make sure you avoid grabbing, pinching, slapping. Wrap your arms around her from behind, so you have full access to this zone.

Caress her ribcage, hip bones, top of pelvic bone and then back up stopping right below the breasts (they come next). Be sure to not go lower than the top of her public bone though, you want the foreplay to keep going! When you are having intercourse, lightly press the heel of your hand into the area underneath her bellybutton. This will externally target the g-spot as you are inside of her.

#8 Breasts 

The breast are hyper sensitive that breast orgasms are even possible! Lightly tracing around her breasts with your fingertips will send blood pumping through her veins. Gently suck and lick the nipples or lightly grab the breasts. If she likes it rougher with her breasts, ask her how she likes it and go for it. When the nipples are stimulated, the same region of your brain that reacts to clitoral stimulation, gets activated! Whether or not you orgasm from breast stimulation, you will still feel super aroused.

#7 Inner thighs

The inner thighs are super sensitive considering they are very close to another area of the body that gets aroused: the clitoris. There is this psychological tease of where your tongue or fingers might go next that will just drive her wild! Lightly stroke, lick, or kiss her inner thighs, but don't go to her genitals just yet. You want this tease to lengthen her arousal. Bring a vibrator into the mix to give a whole new sensation to the area.

#6 Ears

Want to send chills down her spine? Soft whispers in her ears, a little nibble of her ear lobe and sucking action will truly melt her body. When whispering in her ear, say something erotic. Tell her what you want to do to her or show her what you will do with your tongue. Lick her ear lobe as if you were licking her clitoris so she can get a sample of your soft, pleasurable tongue.

#5 Neck

Lightly blowing on the nape of her neck will give her crazy goosebumps. Sensually massage her neck, and shoulders. Pull her hair back and kiss or nibble the back of her neck. You can even gently pull her hair as you sensually play with her neck to let her know you want her badly.

#4 Scalp

There is nothing sexier than a scalp massage. Scratching her hair, massaging her scalp using your fingertips, and playing with her hair will send her in a frenzy. Using your nails, without scratching hard, feel great on the scalp. Try taking a bath together and washing her hair for something new!

#3 Lower back/Butt

Mildly squeezing or spanking her butt is wild fun. But how about rubbing and massaging the curve above her back? The sacral crease, where the lower back ends and butt begins is a very erogenous zone. Then move lower onto her buttocks for more play! Once you establish a lot of trust, you can go further and lick, suck, or penetrate her buttocks using your fingers, penis or toy. Start slow and ask her what she wants and what feels good to her.

#2 Feet

The feet have thousands of nerve endings in them. Nibbling or sucking on her toes, rubbing the arches of her feet, heels, and ankles, not only feels great but can also send shivers up her legs! The ticklish sensation can be pleasant for some leading to sensitivity and arousal as well. Assuming the feet have been properly cleansed, women love the idea of their men giving attention to their tired, over-worked feet and many men find they don't mind sucking on a toe from time to time. Try it out! Maybe you will find a new fetish or foreplay move out of it?

#1 Lips

Oh yes, you can orgasm from your lips and mouth! Kissing, licking, nibbling, and sucking can all contribute to a powerful feeling that spreads from her lips to her genitals. Play with her top and bottom lip, passionately kiss her up against a wall or in bed. Whatever you do, whether its a soft and romantic kiss or a steamy, hot, and passionate make out session, your lady will be oozing all over wanting more.

Bonus:

Her mind. Don't forget about the most important erogenous zone; her brain. Compliments, surprise gifts and long conversations that bring you closer together. The brain; it's the ultimate erogenous zone.


Lora is a GetLusty staff writer and resident health nut. When she is not writing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or hanging out with her wonderful boyfriend in their north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter @HoneyNutLo. Have any questions? Email her at Lora@GetLusty.com!

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Why Do We Lie?

What's the opposite of a little white lie? Everyone fibs a little bit here and there. But why do we lie? Or outright not tell the truth? GetLusty's favorite therapist couple, Drs. Chuck and Jo Ann Bird, are here to talk about why we lie. 

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We all do it. According to some scientific surveys — and some studies pioneered by psychologist Paul Ekman, an innovator in the study of the relationship between people’s emotions and their facial expressions — most people will tell an average of three lies in a typical 10-minute conversation.

We like to categorize them, so we can rationalize them. Little white lies, the ones we tell our parents when we don’t want to visit them or the ones we tell our bosses when we want to play hooky, are the most common ones. Sure, honey, I got the oil changed — then you get up early the next morning and get it done. These lies are every day lies, and whenever we tell them, we usually end up working a little harder than we need to in order to keep them under wraps.

Then there are the big lies, the nuclear lies, that we take more seriously. For couples, these lies are usually about affairs, past sexual partners or even medical conditions. These are the kinds of lies that can end a relationship. But why do we do it? Why is it that so many of us seem to have a reasonably casual relationship with the truth?

In our experience, the primary culprit seems to be self-esteem. We want our partners to have a positive image of us, so when we are challenged on something that might make us seem less than perfect — like forgetting to get the oil changed in the car — we lie about it to maintain a better image for ourselves. That’s why, many times, we won’t think twice about deceiving our partners, because we feel it is important to our relationships to maintain that facade. The greater the threat to our self-esteem, the greater the lies. The things we hide can become more dramatic — they could include the ex-girlfriend who was a drug addict or the former boyfriend who was abusive.

We also lie out of convenience, because we may not want to go 10 rounds over forgetting to get the oil changed. The purpose is to maintain order in our personal lives by avoiding smaller conflicts whose impact might be to simply ruin an evening. It also helps us avoid insults and discord, but the real issue is not the lie, but why there would be insults or discord as a result of simply telling the truth.

This is where we get into the yin and the yang of lies, because while we can all nod our heads and agree in concept that dishonesty is bad, we also have to recognize our own behaviors that may actually wind up training our partners to lie to us.

When faced with an unpleasant truth, do we react angrily? Worse, do we react violently? Is our automatic default position to head for negativity when an unpleasant truth is offered up by our partners?

If we do, we may very well be training our partner to lie to us, because we are not recognizing the concept that it takes courage to tell a partner an unpleasant truth and that courage should be rewarded. Instead of rewarding them, we may instead find ourselves punishing them by our negative reactions.

So before telling the small lies, ask yourself what you’re really getting in return for the effort. Would the truth really be that bad? Is the truth so horrible that it is worth the integrity of our relationships to hide it? And if the reaction from your partner is so negative that you can still justify lying, then perhaps the issue isn’t your lying, but rather, the fabric of your relationship itself.

Lies can be the termites of relationships because they eat away at them from the inside, quietly and barely detectable. Anger, however, is the dynamite of relationships that will always inevitably lead to a devastating explosion that can lead to irreparable damage.

So, look at your behavior, look at your partner’s behavior and understand why you lie before you do it. Maybe you don’t have to, because there is no crime in being human and flawed. We all are. The truth shouldn’t be so hard to take that we should allow the lies we use to cover it up to destroy the love we worked so hard to build. And for Pete’s sake, change the damn oil. You don’t want the car to break down on the way home from work, do you?

Speaking of being honest, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're giving away a Tiani 2 to a lucky 'Liker' by December 1st. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty. 


Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird and are Board Certified Clinical Sexologists and Relationship Counselors. They co-counsel couples together which offers a unique and balanced male/female perspective and a combined therapy/coaching approach to helping their clients with a variety of relationship and sexual issues/concerns. Due to our last name and work they do, they've become known as “The Love Birds”. 

They have 16 + years of personal experience in a healthy, loving and successful relationship. We know how to solve problems and work through difficulties that couples may face on a daily basis. We know ways to keep relationships strong and healthy. We offer you tools and strategies that can make positive changes in your relationship. Find out more about Chuck. Alternatively, find out more about Jo-Ann. Also, follow them on Twitter and 'Like' them on Facebook.

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Sex vs. Gender: Breaking Down the Differences

At GetLusty for Couples, we've had our share of conversations on the differences between sex and gender. As a startup, we're developing editorial standards on gender--and it's continuously being developed. Starting off exclusively for heterosexual couples and branching off to include gay and lesbian couples, we understand that gender and sexual orientations aren't just black and white. Bisexuality is a thing and polyamory is also an option for our open-minded audience. Though we're most definitely biased in support of monogamy.

Soon, you'll hear from the Editor on gender and more on our policies. Again--our goal is to create a platform for couples to develop amazing sexual relationships. Regardless of sexual orientation. Luckily, we have amazing sex educators and bloggers like Nadine Thornhill to help sort out the subtle differences between sex and gender. Read on!

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I gotta level with you, readers. This post is as much for me as it is for you. When I began working in sex education, one of the subjects I quickly realized I knew virtually nothing about was sex. Not sex as in the touchy-feely erotic stuff we do with our bodies, but sex as in how we identify/categorize different people based on biology or identity. I knew there were men and women, boy and girls. But I didn’t understand that there were distinctions between terms like “male/female” versus “masculine/feminine” or ”sex” versus “gender”.

I’ve been privileged to learn about gender identity from some amazing educators. I’ve attended several seminars and workshops. I’ve read books, blogs and articles. And years later, I think I’m *finally* beginning to understand the basics of sex versus gender. Below is my best explanation of sex, gender and what makes them different. I know I have a lot of uber-smart couples reading. If you know your gender studies and you spot any glaring errors or omissions feel free to call me out.

Sex

Sex, in a nutshell, is our biology. It’s the specific set of anatomical, chemical and genetic characteristics, many of which we’re born with and others that develop as our bodies mature. Most males are born with testicles, two distinct sex-chromosomes (XY) and a bunch of testosterone. Most females are born with ovaries, XX sex-chromosomes and higher concentrations of estrogen and progesterone.

Male and female are the sexes that most people are familiar with. No wonder – they’re the two that get virtually all the attention around here. But amongst humans there are several variations of sex . Intersex refers to people who are neither specifically male nor specially female at birth.

Gender

Gender is a complex concept. The meaning of the word has changed and evolved over time. Nowadays, the word “gender” is used describe a person’s psychological identity and/or socially constructed role. Genders include, but are not limited to androgynous, feminine, gender fluid, non-gendered or masculine. A person’s gender might coincide with their physical sex. It might not. A person’s gender may remain constant, while others may experience gender differently at different point in their lives.

Like I said, gender is an expansive, super-fascinating topic and I’m pretty much a novice when it comes to this stuff. However, I have learned about a few very cool concepts related to gender, including the following:

Gender identity - Our psychological sense of our own gender. Who we feel we are. I, for example, identify as a woman. I prefer to be referred to by feminine pronouns such as “she” and “her” or the name “Nadine” which is also distinctly feminine.

Gender presentation - How a person expresses gender through clothing, personal grooming and behavior. A person’s external presentation may or may not reflect their gender identity. I am a woman who dresses and behaves in a way that many people consider feminine. If at some point I choose to dress in a way that isn’t considered feminine, I may do so and still identify as a woman.

Gender binary - The assumption that there are only two genders: feminine and masculine. Unfortunately it’s hella exclusionary. There are many people who don’t identify as a combination of both or neither. Unfortunately our society is rampant with situations that force people to choose one or the other, which in my opinion, is pretty prejudiced and sucktacular…but doesn’t mean that I’m not influenced by it.

Gender-queer - A broad term that referring to identities outside the gender binary.

Transgender - A person who’s gender identity and presentation does not conform to the social expectations associated with their biological sex.

Cisgender - A person who’s gender identity and presentation conform to the social expectations associated with their sex.

Cisnormativity - Social privileges afforded to cisgendered people/ the assumption that all people are or should be cisgendered. Again, bigot-y and wrongsauce. Again, creeps up in my thinking/behaviour more than I’d care to admit.

And that peeps is my review and your overview of sex and gender. Like I said, this is only the briefest of overviews. If you have anything to add, the comment section is all yours!

Speaking of sex, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're giving away a Tiani 2 to a lucky 'Liker' by December 1st. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty.

This is a guest post by Nadine Thornhill. We're very excited to announce Nadine will start writing regularly for GetLusty.

Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy.

She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on the Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest.

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